Love-letters:

By Hocus & Pocus 

Action begins. 'She' makes her appearance slightly flushed, clutching (close to her heart) that all important epistle of love. Eyes agog we watch her approach us, with secret smiles on our faces. The transaction takes place of course, with a straight face (much to our difficulty) and the letter is tucked safely into that coveted pocket, the one with the school inscription on it. 'She' quickly departs thoroughly satisfied, breathing grateful 'thank yous'. 

Now we held that sweet scented paper (for her precious one's eyes only) that bore her tumultuous emotions, passions and desires. How would we know what's in it? Good question! Just what do we do with this 'love letter', other than deliver it? Read it, of course. No, you didn't see wrong, and we confess, the urge was all too strong.

This is undoubtedly the most entertaining part. But it must be done with the utmost care. One false move and we would have been 'fired'. Having made it safely to the car, the 'letter' is then opened with great care keeping the folds in mind. You can't afford to slip up. The ones who have their reservations about our honesty (the cheek!) plaster it with Sellotape. The job gets harder...but when the going gets tough, honey, the tough get going. All you need is a stack of extra envelopes, sellotape and a reasonable talent at forgery. Don't worry; those at the receiving end, blinded by love, rip the envelopes apart, unable to contain themselves, paying little heed to the not so familiar scrawl. (Pathetic!) 

These letters are walking 'Mills and Boons' replicas. No, not all of them but a good three quarter, go like this: "Dearest darling loverboy Di—h, CENSORED. CENSORED. CENSORED." Yeah, things get pretty steamy. The terms of endearment never failed to be original and always got chortles of laughter from us. "My very own Salman Khan" (boy wasn't she lying), "My sweet 'adara kumaraya'" (kalu kumaraya would have suited the geeky, greasy dude better) were some of our personal favourites. 

Then there were the artistically inclined. Their letters, apart from being painfully neat, were psychedelic, with 'My heart will go on' borders (of course, the thought of us reading it would have brought that heart to a screeching halt) and every single 'i' in the letter painstakingly dotted with red hearts.

But the ones who fancied themselves John Donnes of the- new millennium were by far the best. Some of their great works 
"Roses are red, 
Violets are blue,
You are sooooo cute,
And I'm crazy for you,"
just took the cake.

Of course there were heart stopping moments when our names were mentioned in the letters. Only to be followed by glowing tributes of our trustworthiness and boundless honesty. Of course, we felt instant pangs of guilt (naturally) but those were passing phases and pass they did (thankfully) a week on, in time for the next letter-reading session. 

However, much to our disappointment our courier service was always one way. The guys, being the suspicious type (typical, the creeps) never reciprocated in similar manner. Our subtle hints and humble offers of mail delivery services fell on deaf ears - hmmm all for that. They seemed to prefer snail mail or personal delivery...wonder why.

Except for such moments of disappointment, our job was one we thoroughly enjoyed. So much so that, if the need ever arose, we could have given a two hour lecture on job satisfaction. 

Thanks to the image we maintained and word of mouth (by satisfied customers) our little business grew and thrived! Everyone thought us to be the epitome of discretion. If only the car we collapsed into when racked with fits of laughter and the kettles we used to steam open sealed letters could talk - they sure would tell a different story! 

My mysterious e-man

By Aditha Dissanayake

What am I doing in the lobby of a hotel at three in the afternoon? I am waiting for a rendezvous with an "e-man". How did I get to know him? From a sign on a wall. He had written his e-mail address on the wall of a strange looking house by the side of the Colombo Kotagoda road. I had memorized the address and sent him an e-message. "Your house is great. I am a constant traveller along the Colombo-Kotagoda road. I always keep a look out for it because it is innovative and different. I admire you for having the courage to express your individuality." I knew nothing about him when I wrote those words - my first e-message to him.

His response was prompt. He thanked me for the interest I had shown in his building and asked me if I had any innovative ideas about what he should do with it. And after many such messaged we gradually we moved on to personal grounds. By about the fifth e-message he had told me his profession and his age. He was an accountant. And he was 51 plus. His age did not come as a surprise. I had known all along that he had to be a great deal older than me, because no one close to my own age would have had time yet to accumulate the kind of wealth he wrote to me about - having three houses for instance, one in Nuwara Eliya, one in Colombo and another - this is the strange looking building . He was married with two kids, whom I gathered would be around the same age as myself. Yet he sounded unbelievably young. Someone who would paint one wall of his house pink and the other a dark green and above all someone, who would have his e-address in place of the house number on his wall, had to be different. It was hard to imagine him. Could it be that he has been lying to me? What a time to begin to be suspicious. I am already here. I can't avoid him now. He has to be a respectable accountant, with gray hair, bespectacled... Hey wait a minute, here comes a middle aged man looking as though he is searching for someone. Better quit writing and get ready. Yep. I think it's him. What happens now? Wait and see. No, that was a false alarm. The man went straight past me to the gentleman seated just behind me. So, where is my e-man? Hold it. Here comes another. Could this be him? He sure looks old enough to be fifty-one. Yes. This seems more like it. Well folks, here goes....

Post-script - He was not my man either. But at four-thirty when I was about to give up hope, my "e-man" turned up. He found me. I would never have spotted him for he wasn't old. He didn't have grey hair. Yet it was he, who had thought about building the house in that innovative way. Having the e-mail address on the wall had been his idea too. But the name on it is his father's, who is fifty-one, who is an accountant, and who let his son handle all his e-correspondence!

A musical milestone

Organised by the Country Music Foundation, the Country Road concerts have for many years raised funds for needy children in our country. The concert is held in October to coincide with Universal Children's Day also commemorated this month and has the support of UNICEF.

All bands and performers have come together to help this worthy cause and audiences have over the years packed the halls to hear the great classics and contemporary country and western songs. 

Ceylinco Insurance and Sri Lankan Airlines are the main sponsors while the Trans Asia Hotel, TNL Lite and Dynavision are co-sponsors. The Sunday Times continues to support the show as it has since its inception, as the media sponsor. 

TNL's novel idea

"All the pledges made on this special request programme will go to the Country Music Foundation (CMF) for children's charities through UNICEF. We would like people to make a request and a pledge on this day to help needy children in Sri Lanka," a spokesman for Lite 89.2 said. "Listeners can request any song, not necessarily country and western." 

All proceeds from the CMF's 10th annual concert will be channelled through UNICEF for children's projects. The "Country Road X" concert will be held at the Trans Asia Hotel on October 15 starting at 6.30 p.m. The main sponsors are Ceylinco Insurance and Sri Lankan Airlines while the co-sponsors are The Sunday Times, Trans Asia, Lite 89.2 and Dynavision.

Freedom: how much?

By Uthpala Gunethilake

Well, today our mothers may not use the same words but every time we step out of the house, behind that wagging finger and stern voice dictating the curfew, is a silent plea that we come home safe. The world we step out into today is a wilderness far more dangerous than the spring woodland Red Riding Hood loitered in, and the numerous Mr. Wolves waiting out there are far more menacing than the one she came across.

And in the story of today Red Riding Hood is not always a sweet little girl but could even be a boy, and even be someone who is almost always perfectly capable of taking care of him or herself. Also, once stuck in the ominous jaws of Mr.Wolf, the chances are, there might not be a good Woodcutter around to come to the rescue. 

We do live in a dangerous world, and sixth sense cannot ever be appreciated more. It's morbid, but dismally true that our society today is infested with the worst among many evils. Alcohol and drugs, sexual harrasment and racial discrimination, sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies and so the list stretches on. One of the first lessons of childhood and one which we hold on to all our lives is 'trust no one and don't talk to strangers'. 

Therefore is it any wonder that our parents make haste to put up the highest and the sturdiest of battlements when it comes to protecting their children? Says Mrs. Razeena Abdeen mother of a 21-year-old daughter and a 19-year old son, "We must be careful until our children are given in marriage. I'm very careful about where they go, who their friends are and what they do. The times are very dangerous". 

Our parents would give anything to keep us at home, safe and sheltered in their care, and we would all live happily forever. But it simply doesn't work that way. Apart from the fact that many of us on the threshold of life have a ravenous desire for adventure and to taste the many wines of life, the idea of living cooped up at home is appalling even to the timidest of us. Many have tasted the bitter fruit of not being allowed go out with friends, or the 'humiliation' of being accompanied by a guardian even to a party. "It's true that times are dangerous. But just because of that you can't stay at home. Parents can be unbearably paranoid sometimes," says Milinda Jayaratne, aged 22.

There are many who feel they are being unreasonably hemmed in by their parents. Getting permission to go on an outing with friends means weeks of endless entreaties, desperate pleas and maybe even hunger strikes. If you happened to come home late one day out of no fault of yours, you might have to endure fireworks followed by a week of ominous silence. There would always be a long list of rules and regulations that would be read out every time you try to step out of the house. And without your solemn promise that you'd adhere to each and every one of them, you will not be released. If you are trying to keep your eyebrows in place as you read this that's because to any remotely reasonable mind, such control is way above the board. 

While the impulse would be to rebel against such seemingly outrageous control, many of us understand the deeper instincts of care and protection that spur our parents to keep a heavy hand on our freedom. Says 20-year-old Krishani Perera, "My parents don't allow me much freedom but I think their limits are reasonable. They are concerned about my safety and that's why they do this. After all, I'd rather avoid trouble than be sorry later."

"Control is not at all a good thing," says Counsellor Priya Kodippili. "Controlling means that you are not giving any choices. When parents order their children what to do and where to go, the children are not being given a chance to make their own choices. You feel responsible for what you do only if you made you own choice about it," she adds. She explained further that if you are given the chance to make your own choices about your own safety, then you feel responsible for your own life. Which means that you would always make sure to do things that'll ensure your own safety, with or without a parent dictating rules of conduct.

"Freedom is very necessary," she says. True enough, every person needs space to grow up, to find out one's own way in the world. "But you also need to have limits sometimes, because children need limits," she says, explaining that having limits make children feel loved and that their parents care for them. If your mother does not care what time you come home at night, and doesn't ask you what you did with your day, how precious do you feel?

Trust is another major pillar that helps to retain the balance between the need to protect and the need to be free. Without trust, without the assurance from you that you'll never misuse your freedom, your parents will not loosen the reins. The various little irresponsible things you've done when they've given you freedom, can amount to the loss of a great deal of trust. And, mind you, it's true that your mother knows when you are lying, though I am as clueless as you are about how she does.

When it comes to freedom in every day life, one thing that makes every girl bristle is the way boys of the same age seem to be having more freedom than girls. "They get to go everywhere," says Ishani (17) who has a 21-year-old brother. "Girls are told to be more careful, and even if I were my brother's age, my mother would always be more careful about me." 22-year-old Milinda agrees: "society expects girls to be more careful about themselves. For example, people wouldn't notice if a guy went on the road alone ßat around nine in the night. But if a girl of the same age or even older did that, people start noticing because it's just not safe." 

While safety is the first concern, there's another side to the coin too. True, the world is dangerous, and the way it looks, it's not going to get any better. Also, your parents are not going to live forever to protect and defend. If you come out of your safe cocoon clueless about how to handle the big bad world, you are definitely in for a rude shock. It might be all in your favour if you become a little wise to the mean ways of the world. But this doesn't mean that you land yourself in the middle of a street brawl or decide to take a walk down the deserted road at midnight. It means that you try not to cringe at the thought of going in the bus the next time you miss your school van, and not balk at the idea of visiting the cornershop for supplies when your ayah goes home. There are lessons to be learnt in these experiences, and ones which will come in handy if you actually find yourself in the middle of a street brawl or stranded on a deserted street at night . 

"Guide your children, don't control them. Give them knowledge, tell them about the world," says Mrs. Kodippily. She adds further that communication is an absolute necessity. "If you've always been a controlling parent, the child won't open up when she or he has a problem. So always keep open and always let them know why you want them to obey your limits. Involve them in the decision and that will make them responsible for their own safety. Compromise is necessary from both sides." she says. 

"If you have a domineering parent, then try talking with them to solve the problem," adding however that some people are addicted to their own controlling behaviour which cannot be easily changed. "On the other hand if your child rebels against your decisions, find out what makes him or her do so," she says.

You know what Red Riding Hood said once she was safely delivered from the Wolf? She said, "as long as I live, I will never by myself leave the path, to run into the wood, when my mother has forbidden to do so." 

The point, however, is that in today's story, Red Riding Hood might not survive to say this. But, like her, who could not just pass through the wood with its spring magic, for most of us too it's torture to keep away from the many pleasures of life waiting out there. So while you 'go forth', even though it's hard to do, it pays to heed your parents' words and be responsible for your own life.

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