Coping with your anger

You're in traffic and you're late and you didn't expect this because you forgot about the road construction - which is crazy since you drive this way almost everyday. 

So, actually, you're a little bit mad at yourself. 

Which doesn't help matters. 

The road's a mess - tractors, closed lanes, flagmen wherever you look - which means you're going to be late, really late, maybe a half-hour late. You might miss your one o'clock appointment altogether.

Then the old man in the Mercedes drives up. He tries to merge from the left, right in front like you're invisible or something. And this is irritating, yes, but you're already a little anxious because you can't call ahead because you're cell phone is dead because you forgot to charge it. 

So you start yelling. You shake your head. You roll your eyes. You start calling this poor stranger bad names. It feels good! You turn up the music. You let out the clutch and inch forward - just enough to give him the impression that you are a menace, which - of course - you are not. Not to him, anyway.

But here's the big question: Are you a menace to yourself?

Listen to what the experts say: If the check-out girl at the grocery makes you 'sooooo' mad you get a migraine.

If you slam down the receiver when you can't get through on the 24-hour telebank number, then call a friend to complain.

If you cry over spilt milk.

You need to simmer down. The sooner, the better. 

"I think there's more tension, more pressure, so there's less time to self-nurture so that minor irritations do end up being catastrophes," says Meg Eastman, a psychologist and author of the book, Taming the Dragon in Your Child: Solutions for Breaking the Cycle of Family Anger. 

Catastrophes. Yes. We all know a little something about those. Homework and family dinners. 

The excuses behind anger aren't just excuses anymore, says Lynne Namka, an anger management specialist.

The excuses have turned into the reasons. 

Divorce. Drugs. Latchkey kids. Long workdays. Debt. Big classrooms. Lawsuits against our teachers. It all adds up. 

Kids today are lonelier which means they're angrier, which means they're more confused than ever.

So they lash out more.

"I have four-year-olds on the playground being called names by the five-year-olds," Namka says. "We didn't have that 15 years ago."

Namka who runs her website under the title "Get your angries out" says she sees two things more and more: The bullying that is happening more and more in the playgrounds is meaner than ever before. And it's much more frequent.

Indeed a recent survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 74 per cent of eight to 11-year-olds say teasing and bullying occur more frequently in school than smoking, drinking or doing drugs.

"We have more children bullying and hurting each other and that creates more woundedness in children, who in turn hurt others," Namka says. 

" Once a child is hurt, he internalises the aggression that he experiences and if he gets angry enough, he lashes out."

But beyond this, beyond the video games and the single parent households and the nasty Eminem rap is something the experts call entitlement.

And entitlement and anger are a horrid mix.

Kids today think, 'I have a right to do this. To break this law because I am special.' And they're thinking they are special to cover up the poor self-esteem," Namka says.

Brad Bushman, a professor at Iowa State University thinks entitlement is one of the biggest social problems of our day. And he blames it a lot on parents and caregivers. Families today are so hooked on staying busy, so hooked on sport and work, they tend to compensate with 'blanket praise'.

Blanket praise is the lazy practice of telling kids they're great, stupendous, wonderful-even if they didn't do such a terrific job.

"It's this thinking that every one in the team deserves a trophy," Bushman says.

Historically society dealt with its anger by shouting for peace and love. "Then we moved on to the 'release years'," Namka says, telling people what we thought of them. 

Expression, expression, expression. We became adept at letting it go-all of it- even if it meant blaming it on our childhood, our siblings, our shrinks.

But experts who specialise in anger management think all this hostility combined with family dysfunction and children's deep sense of entitlement is making us more hostile.

You know the other day your eight-year-old brother came in from playing and he was all hot and bothered and you could tell there had been trouble. And remember how mad he was that some kid had taken his bike and smashed it up.

And remember how you told him 'go into your room and hit your pillow. It will make you feel better.'

Wrong. All wrong.

Stop doing that. Instead do this.

Teach him how to breathe. Or tell a joke. Or watch a funny movie. Or play with the dog. Help him learn to count to 10.

Teach him to recognise that feeling inside, that rush of adrenaline that precedes the sudden outburst of outright rage and teach him to embrace it, understand it and control it.

Teach him to consider the source and understand that life is full of blips and blunders.

Teach him to understand that life is not perfect.

That is how you deal with anger, says Prof. Bushman.

Rap - Sri Lankan style

By Ranidu Lankage

But what of little Sri Lanka? We didn't contribute to the global rap industry until a few years ago. Now, thanks to some enthusiastic and talented young people who despite the daunting challenges of being a rap artist in Sri Lanka - rap is now starting to blossom here. 

"I actually started rapping when I was about 16 when I heard Brown Boogie Nation on the radio," says Gajan (a.k.a. Capital G) of Urban Sounds. A few months later, he and his brother Krishan (a.k.a. Nasty K) joined their heroes Brown Boogie Nation. But after a few gigs, Gajan and Krishan thought they should move on. 

They launched Urban Sounds and met Rukshan Dole (a.k.a. Rookie) of Sun FM. He helped them record their first single 'Gangsta Raps' which was very popular on the once thriving hiphop show "silk sheets" on Sun FM. 

Their second single 'Smooth Flow' which included the vocals of Rookie was an overnight success, winning them a place in the hearts of the hiphop community of Colombo. 

Since then, they have collaborated with artistes such as the Rudeboy on their Sinhalese mixed track 'Kelle' and with Iraj on 'Sri Lanka 2030'. Asked about their future plans both brothers say they are working on solo projects at the moment. Krishan has also recorded an AIDS awareness single called 'Stop the virus' with the backing of senior musician Dilup Gabadamudalige. The video for the project is set to be out on YA TV in a few weeks.

One of the rap's, or should I say ragga's most senior artistes in Sri Lanka is Shiraz (a.k.a Rudeboy). Having started out in 1985 with Sohan and the Experiments he is now heard on many a radio station with artistes such as Ranil & Harsha, Latha Walpola , Sarath De Alwis, Athma Liyanage and Corinne De Almeida. His first real break into the hip hop scene though came with the Colombo Tribe project where he contributed two songs along with his group Rudeboy Republic. RR comprised Rukshan, Asif and Shiraz. Their two songs 'Underground Stylee' and 'Freestylee' still get airplay on stations such as YES FM. 

The Rap and Ragga scene and awareness of this music in Sri Lanka could be heightened, Shiraz said if someone would take the initiative and organize a Rap and Ragga music competition where budding young artistes could get exposure and the general public get quality entertainment. (Sounds like a great idea!).

Now we come to an artiste whom most fans consider, 'the best in SL'. Yeah you guessed it, Randhir Withana (a.k.a.Little hound) is one of the most sought after names in the Sri Lankan rap scene. Having started out with the popular group Brown Boogie Nation he featured on their hit single 'Colombo' with his singing and especially distinctive style of rapping. 

After a few years Randhir went solo and came out with a bang, collaborating with Bathiya on his hit 'Sirisangabhodi Maligawedi'. He also recorded 'Blaze it up' which is a bonus track on B&S's album Life. Currently studying in New Zealand, Randhir hopes to release his solo album by the end of 2001(so all his girl fans keep counting).

Nishan from Brown Boogie Nation is also a very popular figure in the hiphop scene in Colombo. Being a presenter at YA TV and also working on YA TV's production side, he is now in Australia, studying for his degree. 

Nishan is also working on his solo album "Urban Child Psyche" which he says will be out at the end of this year through an "independent" record label. 

Every rapper needs a producer and one name that surfaces is Iraj. This guy has come a long way since starting out at a school talent show in 1998 with a band with three other guys (RL,TRP&Y-DOG) who called themselves the Zealots. They recorded their first single called ' Love you so' in late 1999 which was Iraj's first serious production. This song was featured on TNL Radio's Art Club and received a fair bit of airplay. 

Since then Iraj has produced songs for artistes such as Rukshan Dole, Urban Sounds and Rudeboy. Iraj's hits include 'Sri Lanka 2030' and 'Groove around'. Presently in England studying for his degree, Iraj is also a very popular DJ with a club in Manchester. 

"I think Sri Lankan rappers have loads of talent but no exposure ," says Iraj who is currently working on a song for Bathiya and Santush's third album due to be released late this year. 

B&S as you know are the premier artistes of the Sinhalese ragga industry springing hits such as 'Mage diviya' and 'Life', which took Sinhalese ragga music to a whole new level. This revelation has also reached all corners of the island and has stirred up the public's awareness of this type of music . 

So what are the problems of being a rapper in Sri Lanka?

The answers are similar. The most common was the lack of appreciation by the Sri Lankan public. Some elders think rap music is a joke and is not required by Sri Lanka. "Just because they do not understand a word we say that doesn't mean they should denounce us," said Gajan of Urban Sounds. 

Next is the lack of airplay. Most artistes said they have a hard time getting the stations to play their music. There's also the lack of promoters and record labels who are willing to lend a hand. 

Rap artistes in Sri Lanka although very talented have not been able to tap their full potential. Nevertheless these young men are not likely to give up so easily. They believe Sri Lankan rap has a future. 

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