Untitled Document

To Manhattan in Sri Lankan style
My Dear Puran Appu,
I thought of writing to you when I heard that you were interested in the top job at the Nations that are supposed to be United. Needless to say, Puran Appu, I was more than a little surprised.

I agree that we have known you as a politician for about twenty five years now, but this is the first time that you are striking it out as a diplomat. But of course, you would argue that you already have on- the-job training, first as the deputy to All Countries Seen and now as his successor.

And you do have the qualifications for the job. No, I'm not thinking about your Oxford connections that you like to talk so much about. After all, they say diplomacy is all about lying abroad for your country and if that is so you have acquired all the necessary experience by being a politician for a quarter of a century- and lying in your own country!

And lately, Puran Appu, though being from a rival camp, you have been accompanying Satellite on some of her conference appearances as her Foreign Minister. That surely must be the crowning experience in your career, having to chat up foreign dignitaries while they wait for long periods for you-know-who to turn up and then having to keep a straight face while the good lady criticises your own government!

But of course, what might surprise most of us is the fact that here we are, unable to solve our own little conflict and running to Norway and that Solheim chap for their assistance and every now and then asking for reassurances from Uncle Sam and our Big Brother across the Palk Straits. And then there is this story that you want to step in and solve all the world's problems! A bit optimistic, you surely are, trying to put the world at ease before putting your own house in order!

Not that you didn't have this streak of optimism in you. We do remember how you embarked on producing a film about your ancestor soon after you became a young Parliamentarian trying to convince all and sundry that Puran Appu was the next best thing to Dutugemunu. So, it shouldn't surprise us that you are now trying to scale greater heights!

Now, Puran Appu the election is not on until 2005, but I'm told that competition among rivals is heavy. But of course, I'm sure you would win by a wide margin. After all anyone who can make it to our Parliament from the Colombo district under the 'manaapa' system should find the elections at the UN a cake-walk!

And as if that were not enough, you were also once the President of our Cricket Board. Now that I would say is the toughest election in the world and you managed that quite easily. So, don't worry, Puran Appu, you will surely be a winner at the UN!

So, Puran Appu, best of luck in your quest. But if you do get there, just remember, don't spoil the chances of your boss winning the Nobel Prize for Peace after he ushers in peace-or pieces- from Bangkok!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha.

PS- It's a long way from Moratuwa to Manhattan but if you ever become the Secretary General, please don't try to rename the UN building as the 'Puran Appu Tower' or something like that- we do remember what you did to the Moratuwa Stadium, don't we?

5th Column Archives

Back to Columns