There is a CD craze in Kandy
Rajpal Abeynayake
Sleepy uninterested Kandy is not disturbed by the news that a former cabinet minister has been booked. At least he was booked some time ago - this time his vaults have been rifled by the authorities in search of hidden CDs (not to be confused with compact disks which are a way of life in this town).

Anuruddha Ratwatte however has his own following in Kandy that is forgiving to a fault. Said one restaurant Chief; "the Minister never gets anybody else to order his food - he comes on the phone and orders his own.'' But what of the sons? Didn't they create more than a rumpus in Kandy, for which they are now out on bail?

"No, even Lohan mahattaya orders his own food,'' says the front office bloke, adding that he always votes on caste basis in Kandy. I don't delve any further. But, he continues nevertheless. This is a caste-based electorate he says, and it means that Anuruddha Ratwatte can really do no harm for a lot of people in this town. At least the man was frank about that.

There are others who accuse the Ratwattes of, well, having become a little "uppity." That's the fault with them actually he says - as for the CDs, all political parties should be hauled up for bribery and corruption. That does not mean that he spares the Ratwattes, but his ambivalence is, I suppose, a bit telling. "On the one hand if the ex Minister did, he is a traitor, but on the other, it also means that there is a political vendetta that is going on somewhere in the country.'

A down home Kandy boy offers great many opinions, more than I really bargained for. He says for instance that the Ratwattes should have stashed the money abroad - it is crazy that they have not chosen to do so.

But he exclaims, "I am sorry, I can't offer you any opinions about the Ratwattes, I'm just not interested!'' As far as apathy goes, that is a rather active variation of it. But we move on.

Says another, "perhaps all these CDs were just petty cash anyway" and laughs a knowing laugh which says just about everything.

"It is sad,'' say a lot of people but it is difficult to size up what they are really sad about. There is some feeling that something is wrong somewhere, but nobody seems to be sure whether it is about the Ratwattes or about the system, and if they are sure, they are certainly not saying so.

There is a shift of focus when the PA holds a rally in Bogambara, and there is a smell of alcohol that pervades the holy city says one man who stood around Kandy lake observing all that inebriation. "Ammo, beeepu bivilla….." he says, and adds that being drunk is worse than being drunk with power. To me, he seems to be defending the Ratwattes without being all mushy about it like some of the earlier folks. At least they talk freely about the Ratwattes in Kandy these days, because, the last time I remember they were looking over their shoulders as they did so, and that was before Ranil became the PM. Incremental, my dear Watson.

If he did what they accuse him of doing, I venture, what would you say to that? Faces seem to contort at this question. It is as if it is a question that can be asked in Colombo, but perhaps not in Kandy. In Kandy they prefer to talk about traffic - and if that's as serious as the discussions gets, they always remind you that traffic is very serious in Kandy (which it is of course.)

I prefer to get away from it all - a slow drive to Digana, and a feel of that nip in the air, and it is as if this whole Ratwatte thing has been obscured.

By what I do not know, but Kandy does that to people.

Laugh Zone
Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science and Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

In the bar
An American, an Australian, and a Canadian were sitting in a seedy bar enjoying a few beers.

The American grabbed his beer, knocked it back in one gulp, then he threw the glass into the air and shot it with his handgun. As he set the handgun on the bar, he told the Canadian and the Australian that in the great U.S. of A, they had so much money they never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Australian drank his beer, threw the glass into the air and shot the glass with the American's gun. As he was setting the gun back on the bar he proclaimed that in Australia they had so much sand that glass was cheap and he too never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Canadian drank his beer, grabbed the gun off the bar, and shot the American. As he was setting the gun back on the bar, he told the Australian that in Canada we have so many Americans you never have to drink with the same one twice.

In the mirror
Two blondes are walking down the street: One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Expectant blonde
My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway the other day just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy, but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" I said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more! We are not having just one baby, we're going to have twins!!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"

Visiting the doctor
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "You have to help me, I hurt all over," said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over," asked the doctor, "please be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why, yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."

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