Plus

Plus

Passionate in public: Love, lust or just grossing out?

By Ishani Ranasinghe and
Vidushi Seneviratne You are at a restaurant with your family. A couple sits down in the table next to you. The woman rests her head on the man's shoulder. He kisses her hair. They hold hands. Subtleties soon vanish, and halfway through your meal they appear more interested in picking the leftovers out of one another's back molars than in finishing their meals. Public display of affection can be best described as a show of affection between two people who care for or love each other in a public place.

According to Shenali (20), showing affection in public is fine. "If you are going out with someone, why not show each other affection? I really don't see why anyone should have a problem with it."

Kavinda (23) shared her views. "If you are in love with someone, why not express it? Of course, there are the limitations. There are the things you would do in private and other stuff you can do in public. Specially if there are kids around, you should be careful."

"You should be wary of kids and older people and respect others' feelings. But if you are with your close friends, it shouldn't be a problem," says Radhini (21).

Mevan (26) feels that times are changing.

We asked whether displaying affection in public is to show others that you are committed. Kanishka (24) had this to say. "Not in my opinion. Of course there are a few immature people out there who want to show the world that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. But that's not always the case."

Some people feel that displays of affection should only go on behind closed doors.

For Thushani (25), displaying affection is definitely a private thing. "Why would you want to do that in public? It will make a lot of people uncomfortable.”

To many, they see nothing wrong with caressing their partner's hand or giving a kiss in public.

As long as both parties are comfortable with "how much" is displayed in public, there is no problem.

So next time you are sitting down for a meal at a restaurant and that couple mentioned earlier sits down in the next table, see how long it takes for you to get uncomfortable.

Now you know how much is too much.

Sometimes it’s a cop out

In some instances it is not just society that poses a problem, at times even the lawmakers intervene. What is amusing about it is that cash seems to make them turn a blind eye.

For instance take the case of Thivanka and Nalika. "One night we were inside the car at the car park of a popular 'hang out' place. We were sort of talking when suddenly a police car pulled up. One officer got down and requested Thivanka to get down.”

After taking him aside and talking with him for a few minutes one of them came up to Nalika and asked whether she knew what Thivanka's name was.

"So I said yes, then they wanted to take us to the police station and call our parents, they were really starting to get annoying" says Nalika.

They only left them alone after Thivanka gave them Rs. 500.

Nice food, nice people

Since a few years ago families have opted to go out for their meals very often. They therefore feel uncomfortable when they see affection being displayed in public and especially if the children are of a young age. What do the restaurants do in a situation like this?

"We don't really have certain rules as such, but if there are people misbehaving we talk to them very politely. They are all our customers and we cater to everyone," says Andrew Paplie, Supervisor of Pizza Hut.

What Fahim Shakoor, the Marketing Manager of McDonald's had to say was different. "We have had no experience of this, probably because we are a family type of restaurant."

According to the Public Relations Manager of Deli Market Dharshini Sumanasekara, the Deli being a restaurant situated in a business tower, the management does not face many such incidents. "During afternoons and evenings, business people come in for lunch. So we really don't have anything to fuss about."

Malgini Jayasekara, Marketing Manager of KFC, thought the reason for couples not to get "intimate" at their restaurant was the fact that it is quite open.

"Our restaurants have glass panes surrounding them and also there's a lack of nooks and corners, where couples could go to, if they wanted to get lovey dovey.

But essentially being a family restaurant, if there was such demonstration, the management would definitely go up to them and warn them, and if they don't listen to us, maybe even ask them to leave."

We all do it

It could be as simple as a mother hugging her son or two friends holding hands. The problem is when such behaviour is manifested in a more sexual sense.

We all know what public display of affection is. We have all seen it. We have all done it: when we held an aunt's hand in the supermarket; when, as children, we kissed each other goodbye in the middle of the street; when, as adolescents, we let our boyfriend (or girlfriend) hold our hands in the theatres; and when, as adults, we kiss our lovers before they board a plane. We have all committed the act of displaying affection in public.

Social affection is a much-debated issue. It is important to note that there is no "right" or "wrong" approach to public affection. You may need to peer back into your past a bit and take a hard look at those who have been sharing your life. This may hold clues as to why you feel the way you do or react as you do to public displays of affection. You may take a conservative viewpoint on affection in public for other reasons. But whatever is determining your comfort level should be normally a good guide of how much affection you can display in public.

The whistle blowers

For some it's just a 'no care' attitude, for others it is because they don't really have anywhere to go.

When questioned about the issue, most couples felt that the lack of places to go to was the main reason. Vihara Maha Devi Park is enough proof of this.

But it is also essentially a family park as well.

Come evening and numerous children come there to play.

The problem of some being uncomfortable with the display of affection comes in again. According to Rathnawathie Premachandra employed as a security officer of the park, a fair deal has been arranged by the management, where by 3.00 p.m all couples have to leave the premises and make way for the kids who come in.

"The park opens at 5.00 a.m., so couples and older people have ample time to enjoy themselves. When it is 3.00 p.m we blow a whistle and then the couples have to leave. We have special people to go around and look if there are any left.”

“This law was brought in somewhere around 2000," says W.V.P. Wijesekara, another security officer at the park.

So much to do, so few places to do it

So what really happens is that these couples don't have anywhere to go. This is what leads to the display of affection in public. Some would also argue that it's all right to be affectionate in public but that there has to be a limit to it.

"People can show affection in public but they need to be considerate about other people's feelings as well," says Dr. Sriyani Basnayake, Medical Director, Family Planning Association. "It's alright if there are no kids around. But there should be a time and a place for everything," she added.

So how much is too much? How much of public display of affection can you tolerate? Your tolerance level provides you with your own gauge of what is too much.

Back to Plus