5th Column

Don't ask why, just do what US wants you to do

My Dear Millie,
I thought I must write to you finally after seeing the many headlines you have been making recently, especially the fuss about your participation in the so-called 'peace' talks.

Millie, I heard you said you had been 'hurt' by that Tiger chap Thamil Chelvam saying that you promised to influence Uncle Sam for them to attend that conference in Washington. And you didn't keep that promise, or so he said, and you my poor little boy was so hurt.

And if I heard right, you said you were keeping away from the talks, even though right now there are no talks to keep away from because the Tigers themselves have pulled out of discussions…

And what we hear next is that Bala telephones you just before midnight to say I'm sorry and then you all but kiss and make upI do feel so sorry for Bala too, though. Just imagine the poor man, his kidneys already troubling him, tossing and turning in his bed unable to get rid of the guilt of one of his colleagues calling you a cheat. So he finally calls you and you, the gracious person that you are, say alls well that ends well and the 'peace' talks are saved for yet another day!

But Millie, while this is all well and good, there is just one matter that bothers me now. It seems to be quite clear after all this apologizing business that banning the Tigers in Uncle Sam's country was Uncle Sam's decision.

Now, Millie, I must confess this comes as a surprise to me. The impression we all had was that Uncle Sam would do anything for you and that George B calls you before he decides whether he should have cornflakes or Saddam Hussein for breakfast.

After all it was you who made that memorable statement, 'Don't ask why, just do what America wants you to do'. I am sure that will go down in American history next to President Kennedy's 'Ask not what America can do for you, ask only what you can do for your country'.

But now, Millie, it does appear that regardless of what you have done to popularise the American point of view in this small country of ours, you really don't have any clout with Uncle Sam after all. I am sure that will come as a surprise to most of your followers and admirers.

But of course, every cloud has a silver lining. I am sure you could now proudly say that this is evidence that you are not the American stooge that your critics accused you to be. And who knows, that might win you a few more 'manaape's at the next election.

For now though, Millie, you might try using all your energies, to try to get the stalled 'peace' talks started again. Maybe you could even try calling Bala just before midnight!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- While most people will not be upset at your 'return' to the talks, I am not sure what the good Professor would feel. After all, he would have preferred to be the sole negotiator and cover himself with glory if the talks succeeded, I am sure. For him it is therefore an opportunity lost and Millie, keep that in mind, will you?

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