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Mirror Magazine

So you want to get a dog…
By Dilini Algama
I have been studying owners of dogs for quite a while now and my findings, though admittedly limited, have put me off the subject so completely I'm compelled to write this article.

You see, if you are planning to become a proud owner of a dog in the near future, I may be able to help you to get into the latest trend of things.

It's better if you can buy a brute of a dog resembling the Hound of the Baskervilles and give it a sissy name like Fifi or Fluffy, but basically any dog would do.

Remember, it is of utmost importance that you should at all times strive to bring out the similarities between you and your dog.

The first two weeks should be spent in helping the dog to settle down in your family. Treat him like a family member. Whenever you visit friends and relatives, make it a point to take along this latest addition to your family. Hire a meek young man with big eyes, weak hands, wobbly legs and a loud scream to hold the chain. Apparently, it is of the latest fashion to train the dog to pretend that it would like to sample your host's fingers and toes for dinner. Teach it to growl ferociously, then reassure your host that indeed it is such a darling and won't bite. Following this line, you must at any cost look at the dog with the same adoring look with which you looked at your first born.

By the second week, you simply must bore all your visitors with long tales of the dog's loyalty to you and any other members of your family. Ideas follow:

* How it barks when it hears your car 5 km. away from home.
* How it waits by the bathroom door for your spouse to emerge.
* How it waits by the gate for your offspring to return from school.
* How it cocks up its ears when it hears the theme song from Titanic.

On no occasion should you let anyone change the subject. Should your visitor even move her lips a tiny fraction of an inch to get a word in edgewise, ignore her completely and then start on your dog's daily habits of answering calls of nature.

Now, as you advance to the next phase; the visitor will nod off. Never forget to change the tone. Of course, the following line is very important and it is mandatory that you learn it by heart.

"Fifi, come to mummy (or daddy as the case maybe), my poochy little doggy girl (boy). Why you are my little sweetikins, you naughty little girlie (boy)."

This line is more effective when it is followed by hugs, kisses and cuddles while entangling your body with your dog's. The rest of the family should nod their heads approvingly while one of them starts to explain that it is fed on a diet (royal diet) of cheese, milk, beef, chicken, seer fish, corned beef, ice cream, buttered bread, vitamin supplements, pork with lashings of barbecued sausage meat and tomato sauce daily.

Note: At this point, the visitor will roll her eyes, fidget and look about uneasily. Be oblivious to such body language.

If the visitor is there for a meal, feed the dog first. Open tins of cheese and corned beef and take the dog onto your lap. Break off little bits and make it eat the morsels from your fingers, while whispering sweet nothing in its ears.

Throw out any remaining food in full view of your visitor. Sit down at the table for the meal. Allow the dog to sit under the table. If it prefers, allow it to walk from person to person sticking its nose into every plate. Then point it out to your spouse who should cock his/her head to one side and lovingly regard these antics.

Note: The visitor would inevitably be the one to finish first. He/she'd anxiously point out that it's getting late. Laugh him/her off. After the meal, roll over the floor with your dog. The visitor would remark jokingly that you look like a dog yourself. To hear comments like this is your ultimate goal. Roll some more. Bid good-bye to your visitor distractedly.

Then again, you may come across the minority of masters, who like to remind their dogs to keep their place. One word from such a master would send the dog rushing to the kennel. These masters talk to their visitors about mundane things like the weather, cricket, politics etc. They are not preoccupied with their dogs, which are not even allowed to sniff the visitor's toes, lest the visitor be offended.

At meal times the dog would be in the kennel eating its fair share of lunch, not being given the honour of sampling the meal before the visitor.

So there, you have it... You're now equipped to choose which type of dog you'd like.
Good luck!

Akoustik Soul goes on stage
By Ishani Ranasinghe
A fusion of talent from students all over Colombo, 'Akoustik Soul' promises to be a fascinating evening of entertainment. Billed to perform are students of Thurstan College, St. Bridget's Convent, St. Peter's College, St. Sebastian's College, Muslim Ladies College, Methodist College, St. Joseph's College and Ananda College.

The performances will include group singing, solo, instrumental as well as dance sequences that promise to set your toes tapping. There will be two guest performances from High Octane and Ground Zero.

Over 30 Interactors are on the organizing committee, representing 18 of the active Interact Clubs in Colombo.

One of the main aims of this concert apart from raising funds was to give an opportunity to all Interactors to improve their organizational skills and to give them the necessary exposure to enhance their creativity. This project has also helped them build bonds of friendship with Interactors from other schools.

"Akoustik Soul" will be held on May 31 at the Navarangahala at 6.45 p.m. Tickets will be available at all Interact Clubs and at the venue. Part of the proceeds will be donated to the Blue Paw Trust and the Spinal Injuries Association of Sri Lanka in Ragama.

Abstract sports festival
If the surest way to happiness is to lose yourself in a cause greater than yourself, then the Interactors of Bishop's College and Royal College should be a blissful lot. They are indeed part of a worthy cause, the 'ABSTRACT' sports festival that will be held for the benefit of 200 orphans.

This enthusiastic bunch of Interactors have toiled for over two months to make this project a reality and will experience the final outcome on June 1 at the Havelock grounds.

The 'ABSTRACT' sports festival is being held for the third consecutive time. Orphans from the Hearing and Speech Impaired School in Ratmalana, the Maithree Home for Children, Jinaraja Vidyalaya, Sangamiththa Home and the Gunasekara Home for Children will take part. The children will have a special chief guest arrive to greet them later in the day.

The unique feature of 'ABSTRACT' is the twist added to your average sport. Three other clubs have been chosen to host 'ABSTRACT' games stalls and the most 'ABSTRACT' stall will be awarded an 'ABSTRACT' trophy. To top it all off, there will be a raffle draw and the winner will be entitled to a dinner for two at the Colombo Hilton!

The main sponsors for this event are Citibank, Elephant House, Keells and Kotmale. The media sponsor is TNL radio. All Interactors are invited to experience this 'different' kind of sports festival!!!

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