5th Column

Satellite, Green Man fight over AIDS at UN
"Thaaththa", Bindu Udagedera said, "they are fighting again…"
"Do you mean the ceasefire has been called off?"
Bindu's father Percy was startled.

"No, thaaththa," Bindu explained, "the ceasefire is still on. It is Satellite and the Green Man who are fighting again…"
"What are they fighting about now?"

"They are fighting about who should address the United Nations conference on AIDS…"
"So, what is all this fuss about?"
"Satellite says that Tyronne Appu is trying to steal her slot…"
"And what does he say?"

"He says it was agreed long ago that he would be doing the honours…"
"And what does Satellite say to that?"
"She argues that it is a slot meant for Heads of State, so Tyronne couldn't have been asked to do it anyway…"

"Well, if it was meant for Head of State, shouldn't it be Satellite's job?"
"I am not sure the other Head of States will be pleased…"Bindu said.
"Why, What have they got against her?"

"I don't think they have anything against her," Bindu said, "but they wouldn't want to be kept waiting for forty-five minutes until she makes her appearance…"
"So what will happen now? Should we ask Norway to intervene?" Percy was worried.
"Ah," Bindu said, "Even if they did, they will give a ruling which no one abides by…"
"Of course, this is not the first incident of this type…"

"Why, thaaththa, did this happen before?"
"Not exactly in the same way but more than one person wanted to attend the wedding of Prince Charles even though only Heads of State were meant to be invited, if I remember correctly…" Percy recalled.

"What happened then?"
"I believe some strings were pulled, two invitations were obtained and the matter was resolved…" Percy explained.
"Can't we try something similar now?" Bindu wanted to know.

"Then maybe we should look at an impartial third person who can make the speech…" Percy suggested.
"Do we have such a person?" Bindu queried.

"Of course we do," Percy said, "there are quite a few to choose from…"
"Who are they?" Bindu wanted to know.
"Well, we could send the Professor who will convince the world that the AIDS epidemic will be over soon, no matter what…"

"Or, we can send the Crown prince who will make a great speech which sounds good but in a few years everyone will realise it has no practical value…"
"Or we can send one of these new negotiator chaps like Karuna who will say that if they want to get rid of AIDS, this is the way they will do it and no one should dare to challenge that…"

"Or maybe we should send Wimal or Tilvin who will talk about joining someone else to defeat AIDS but will attach so many pre-conditions that it will never happen…"
"Or we can send someone like Mahinda who will say what he wants to say and throw a chair or two at anyone who opposes him and still get away with it…"

"But thaaththa," Bindu said, "I think if Satellite and the Green Man can't sort out this and their other disputes soon, someone else will soon be making another address as Head of State…"

"Who is that, Bindu?"
"Why thaaththa, Velu is waiting for that chance eagerly…"
Percy didn't disagree.

Back to Columns