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 Soup
odds
Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies? Have you ever heard anyone
complaining of an elephant in their soup?
Boiling
point
Waiter,
waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma'am, they can't
stand the boiling water.
Deceived
Miss DeAngelo
was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with
dreams of becoming a star.
She didn't find
fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy
her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify
in a divorce case.
When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward.
"Miss
DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the 'other
woman' in her husband's life. Now, do you admit that you went to
the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?"
"Well,
yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I
couldn't help it." "Couldn't help it?" asked the
lawyer derisively. "How's that?" "Mr. Evans deceived
me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when
we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk
I was his wife."
Homework
A teacher was correcting exam papers when he came across Simon's
effort: a sheet of paper, blank apart from his name and Act II Macbeth.
Scene V. Line 28.
The teacher reached for his Shakespeare and turned to Macbeth where
he found that the 28th line of the fifth scene of the second act
read; "I cannot do this bloody thing''.
Fair trial
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before
I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for
the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer
for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.
In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the
defense."
 Slander
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly
as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable
person to hear," she protested. "Then," said the
attorney, "just whisper them to the judge." |
