5th Column

Velu has surprised everyone by agreeing to talk
My Dear Velu,
I thought I must write to you when I heard that you had suddenly agreed to talk to the Greens almost unconditionally. As always, you have proven again that you are the master of surprise, beating even Satellite who changes her mind ever so often.

Of course, Velu, now there will be many theories as to why you had this sudden change of heart. After all, for over six months now you were adamant that you wouldn't sit down to talk again unless some of your demands were met-and that was despite pleas from Uncle Sam, Norway and even Japan.

And, as usual the Greens, Blues and Reds have been caught unawares. The Greens, and the professor particularly, will of course be very happy because they can now tell the masses that the Tigers are a honourable lot who are not hell bent on war.

The Blues, on the other hand will find it difficult to accuse you of making unfair demands when you are saying that you will sit down for talks without any conditions. But then, the Blues are too busy plotting to topple the Greens that they probably couldn't care less about the talks anyway!

But what I find most interesting is the stories that are offered by way of explanation as to why you agreed to talk again. I'm sure the Professor will say his charm has worked on Karuna and Tyronne will argue that it is because he is about to become the UN Secretary General.

Then there will be Millie who will claim that has got Uncle Sam to send you a secret message and Tilak will say it is all because you have been weakened militarily and the Green Man himself might claim that it was all because of his recent dealings with India.

Of course, if you ask the other side, Sarath might say that you were scared of a no-confidence motion he was about to bring against you and the Crown Prince could suggest that you were worried that the Prince would contest from the North now that he has agreed to give up Attanagalle. And, if you ask poor Wee Wee, he will say that you were scared of the march planned for Deepavali Day.

Of course, then there will be Satellite who will claim that you were scared of her because of her no nonsense attitude towards you and her recent declaration that she is unaware of what you are talking about. Of course, the reality is that she cannot even get a gazette published even though she is the leader of the country but then that is a different story, isn't it?

Whatever the reason, Velu, you may rest assured that you have once again caused division among the ranks in the South and that is no doubt going to help in the next round of bargaining. But then, even that is hardly necessary because you have been getting almost everything you have asked for so far, haven't you?

Yours truly, Punchi Putha.
PS-And you are demobilizing child soldiers, are you, Velu? Well, if I next hear that you have applied for the post of Inspector General of Police, Commissioner of Elections or even for a place in the Constitutional Council, I wouldn't be surprised.

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