Thoughts from London

All for the sake of Wanni Nayakar
Cha, cha, chaa.
Here I was thinking that Wanni nayake (oops, sorry) Wanni nayakar was more popular than David Beckham. I mean everybody (everybody in the north, that is) is supposed to be moonstruck over the Sun God.

Imagine my shock when I read in a newspaper last Sunday that a social survey conducted in Jaffna showed that only 78% of the people there had confidence in Velupillai Pirahaparan and a mere 71% in the LTTE.

This is getting very confusing as you can well understand. All these years everybody called him Prabhakaran. Nobody, least of all the LTTE, said they were wrong.
They should have taken a lesson from Ranil Wickremesinghe who was quick to point out a 'mistake in grammar' in his United Nation's speech, which had been "hurriedly redrafted" apparently with the help of some political nonentity in the UK-but that's another story.

Even poor Chris Patten appears to have been misled. He kept referring to his meeting with Mr Prabhakaran. Maybe he was talking to the wrong guy after all and his local critics can rest easy. Anyway, now we find that the LTTE leader is not Prabhakaran but Pirapaharan which makes one wonder about the MOU.

But as the Bard said what's in a name and so who cares. While others might quarrel over spelling and grammar, many people are concerned about the results of the social survey which, for some unexplained reason, ignored opinion in the Eastern Province.
When I visited a Sri Lankan Tamil shop in Harrow where I go for my daily parippu wade (or wada as some Indians say) and a cup of tea specially brewed for me, I was told of an emergency meeting where my presence was imperative.

Who did this survey I asked in a querulous tone. Aaah, said one whose expertise is more in cloning stolen credit cards than in scientifically conducted surveys, reading from the news item.

It appears it was organised by Dr Yoshiko Ashiwa, a professor of anthropology in collaboration with the Chair of the Sociology and Political Science Department of the Jaffna University Dr N. Shanmugalingam and the Director (Media and Research) of the National Peace Council of Sri Lanka Dr Jehan Perera.

I don't know what kind of a doctor Jehan Perera is now ( when I left Colombo some years back he was plain Jehan Perera, if it is the same chappie) but I wouldn't trust him with an appendectomy. The gathering thought the same, saying that with so many doctors involved a second opinion was definitely necessary.

So they implored me to rectify this insult to Prabhakaran or Pirapaharan or whoever and the LTTE and go to Jaffna post-haste. That was somewhat difficult since the postal workers in our area were on strike. But with SriLankan Airways always obliging I said I would go. They said all arrangements would be made at the Sri Lanka end.
Two percent of the gathering did not want me to go at all.

"Silva aiyar, this is not the time to go," they said. But before they could say anything further, a couple of chaps who looked like the Marseilles mafia from The French Connection, stepped forward. Instead of giving the dissidents Hemlock as done to Socrates, they applied an arm lock and dragged them away through the backdoor of the store. They disappeared from my view and apparently from Harrow itself.
Anyway when I arrived at Katunayake airport, Immigration officials rushed me to the VIP lounge and Customs refused to open my baggage.

"You have only two bags," they asked incredulously. "Tamil Selvam comes with 32 bags." I said I was Silva not Selvam and I don't have foreign yoghurt either. I was ushered into a waiting helicopter- courtesy Sri Lanka Government I suspect- wherein sat two persons I didn't know.

" I am Dr Rohan Fernando, public opinion specialist of the National Please Convention. We Aim to Please, is our motto. It is a Norwegian Government Organisation(NGO), but nobody knows about as such and we call ourselves an NGO. You know non governmental organisation. And this is Dr Sushi Sashimi." " And what do you do, Dr Sashimi?"

"I'm professor of social survey from the University of Tempura, Okinawa. I surveyed her carefully since Okinawans are renowned for their longevity and she might have been at the Japanese massacre of Chinese in Nanking.

In Jaffna we were checked into a very new hostelry called "Prabs Place" with 10 air-conditioned rooms and 100 employees. Half the employees watched the guests. The other half watched those who watched the guests.

Needless to say, service was rather slow. The cooks had to show their culinary produce to the manager who then sent it to the LTTE political office for approval. The military wing checked the food for explosives. They might have tried reducing the chilli.
By the time my ulundu wades arrived each had more holes than one. I wouldn't advise anyone to order a souffle.

The first thing we did was to go to Jaffna University to find the chair of sociology and political science. He appeared to have vacated it. Even the chair was missing. But there were a many rectangular tables. That seemed an interesting anthropological fact missed by the Japanese professor of anthropology.

The LTTE intelligence agent accompanying us said all the round-tables were removed. They did not encourage roundtable discussions. King Arthur would have had a rough time trying to convince the Tigers. But then the Tigers don't have knights-not in that armour anyway.

Thinking perhaps that I was asking too many questions Dr Sashimi and Dr Fernando went into a huddle away from earshot. Then they had a word with the intelligence man who went away and returned with an old man.

"We don't want to waste your time goingaround speaking to the people, the agent said."We have improved on the democratic system. This gentleman will speak for all the people. Here, we speak in one voice. Those who dont will not speak again."
The people had spoken. The work was done. This venerable gentleman can answer all questions, the intelligence agent said. In fact he has to answer all questions or else…... He certainly did. Everybody, yes everybody worships the LTTE and its leader and even pays taxes to prove.

Well that seemed that. But why were the Japanese interested, I mean besides Akashi? Imperial Japan always had collaborators wherever they planted the flag of the Rising Sun. The Japanese still do that sort of thing and have the yen for it, if you know what I mean.

Norwegians also collaborated with fascist Germany and so their interest in the Tigers. Their Viking ancestors were plunderers and conquerors. Now they use NGOs, a sociological fact missed entirely by the surveyors. The Norwegians, Japanese and LTTE have a common bond. They are all from the north, geographically speaking.

The Norwegians and the Japanese are united in having a whale of time killing the huge mammals. The LTTE used to deal with smaller fry but they have grown in stature since.

The Vikings wore a helmet with two horns. No wonder Sri Lanka finds itself on the horns of a dilemma. Vidar Helgesen on one side and the Rising Sun on the other. What an unforgettable contribution to civilisation- smorgasbord and shabushabu.

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