POLITICAL SKETCHBOOK

POLITICAL SKETCHBOOK by Rajpal Abeynayaka

Next year will be a better one, of course…
The next year, they promise, will be a better one than this. Politicians will not slam each other because the people hate that. They will slam the people instead.

They have also promised to cut down on damage from all natural disasters -- like the floods of the last time -- but any disasters caused by men will not count.

This is because they feel that natural disasters being natural are the real disasters. Disasters caused by them as politicians are of course in the lesser category and there cannot be any guarantees against those.

Early January next year the Prime Minister and President also offer to kiss and make up. For only five minutes. What do you expect? That Mano Tittawella and Malik Samarawickreme are supposed to give up their new-found political feet, being as they are, the navigators of the nation's fate?

But, it is not as if our leaders do not acknowledge that they have faults. So, they are going to be up front about it, and they are going to admit that "yes some mistakes were made'', and that they need to put things right, apart from natural disasters that is.

So the President will pass a New Year resolution if not in the Cabinet at least in the kitchen Cabinet, that she will not be late for any public engagements this year. The resolution is slotted to be considered in December 2004.

The Prime Minister had decided that he will work with the President come what may. But he is only imposing one very small condition - - that she remains unseen and unheard until 2004 December 31st, barring of course natural disasters.

But both have already cautioned that if there are elections, and if more than a thousand people kill themselves that might count as a natural disaster. This is considering that having an election is the natural thing to do under the circumstances….

This year also might be considered the year in which Sri Lanka decides that the only way to shore up its economy is to hitch its wagon to the international powers that be. But, there can be no two ways about it.

Therefore, as a way out of the current constitutional crisis to boot, both Prime Minister and President are going to ask Chris Patten to take over the country. He will be running it from an apartment especially rented for him in Hong Kong by the Sri Lankan government.

The only hitch here is that though everybody is agreed that it be Chris Patten, Minister Milinda Moragoda thinks Donald Rumsfeld is a better bet. Last we heard, Patten was being referred to in the Moragoda camp as an unknown unknown.

But the Sinhala Urumaya says that the only way that Sri Lanka could solve its national crisis is by overcoming our problem with national self- esteem. So, they are willing to forgive both the Prime Minister and President, if the twosome agree to do something to shore up the nation's self image.

Their grand plan is to rule another Buddhist country, which they think, is becoming decadent. Invade Thailand! But they do not want to be too unkind to the current Thai Prime Mminister Thakshin Sinawatra. They say Prabhakaran will have to go into hiding in a spider hole but Sinawatra will be afforded better facilities in a hole in the wall in Hikkaduwa.

The Tigers not to be left out are indeed saying just that. That they feel left out.
They were Sri Lanka's fighters. Now, everybody else is fighting except them. They feel if this goes on for too long and they are left out of the fighting it is bad for their image. So, if there is going to be fighting in Sri Lanka, meaning the South until June next year, Prabhakaran and Thamilchelvan are going to do something drastic. They will enter into a cohabitation arrangement. Prabhakaran has not been known to be left out of anything for too long.

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