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Dear old Dinesh and his dog-days
By Rajpal Abeynayake
Dinesh Gunawardene will take action against you for washing your cars, and washing your dog. The next reason they will prorogue Parliament will be that Dinesh Gunanwardene in his frenzy to conserve water (none of which he intends diverting to drought stricken peasants in Anuradhapura, we know that without him having to tell us) will bathe only once a fortnight. There is nothing as good as showing the way by example. But Parliament will not be able to bear the righteous odor of Dinesh G who bathes only once every two weeks but it is all for a good cause, so Parliament will be prorogued. Parliament will no longer dish out that kind of dirt.

Dinesh Gunawardene gets into this mood once in a while. The no dog-bathing no car-washing give them hell mood. When he said that he would take action against people who use the main water supply to wash their cars and their dogs, it was the finest hour of his political life. It was the best speech he had made. After all, all the speeches he had made on the Sinhala nation etc., etc. ended up being significant for their one quality - their utter forgetability.

Dinesh Gunanwardene will also possess that unique quality in his political retirement – being utterly forgotten. But his 'don't wash cars and dogs' speech, now that will be remembered for all time. One thing you have to give Dinesh, he always speaks to his constituency. He is not worried about the great hordes of English speaking middle class.

So he said "you dog-washing car-washing folks, don't do it or else!" But Dinesh can never quite remember his constituency. Ever wondered why he had to give up independent politics to become a shadow player in the People's Alliance?

Because he keeps forgetting what his constituency is.
He told the Colombo 7 people do not wash your dogs.
And look who came up in arms.

Ariyapala of Maharagama says that if he doesn't wash his dog Lapaya, it will get the ticks, and then he will have to set the dog on Dinesh Gunawardene. Perera Singho says if he does not wash his school van it will corrode and children will slip under the corrosion onto the street, and then he will have only one man to run over, Dinesh Gunawardene.

But Dinesh Gunawardene was never a man who could have a cohesive idea of what anything was, leave alone his constituency. His father was a giant and was a Maha Kalu Sinhalaya who earned mass respect.

But Dinesh Gunawardene goes to Wisconsin University, comes back, and does the pigmy to his father's Goliath. He does it so well that when there is a drought in Anuradhapura and the Sinhala peasantry is suffering he makes his finest speech directed at the dog-washers of Colombo 7.

But Dinesh Gunawardene does have this manner even when he is in Parliament. When an issue such as the emergency comes up Mr Gunawardene will have his own emergency. He stands up as if there is a serious case of indigestion somewhere within the confines of his ill fitting national suit which he will not tolerate. His national suit and his nationalist demeanor --actually will tolerate anything, expect of course matters like indigestion. Or dog washing. Or car washing. The day Prabhakakaran invades Anuradhapaura, Dinesh Gunawardene plans to give the real speech of his lifetime titled "if the Sinhalese did not bathe they will have no water crisis and then they could defeat Prabhakaran.''

Only he and his constituency of course understand the stupidity of these Sinhalese. Not only do they wash their cars and bathe their dogs, they also vote for the likes of Dinesh Gunawardene.

One more thing. He has said the best answer for politicians being unable to deliver the goods is to say who needs goods? This is a man who can solve all our problems. If he was Minister of Agriculture and Food, he will just have to make that speech of a lifetime : "If you eat, I will throw you in jail.'' If he was Minister of Defense he will say:

"If you do not hide in your bathrooms in fear of Mr Prabhakaran I will prosecute you like there is no tomorrow.'' If his father is turning in his grave hearing his political pygmy of a son make all of these fine speeches have no doubts, he will say: "I will have him prosecuted beyond the grave.''

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