5th Column

Satellite seeks advice on life after presidency
At the Presidential Banquet, Satellite, Bill and George were discussing matters of mutual interest. After all, they couldn't be talking about the tsunami all the time…

"I say, Bill, tell me, what do you do after two terms of office?" Satellite asked, "I feel a bit too young to retire…"
"Don't worry about that, Satellite, as you can see, there is life after being President…" Bill said.

"It is easy for you to say, Bill…" Satellite said, "everyone still wants to see you and hear you speak. As for me, I don't think they want to hear me speak even when I am President…"
"That is because you keep them waiting so long…" George pointed out.

"But what would I do after giving up office sometime next year?"
"Write a book, of course," Bill said, "that's what I did and now I am laughing all the way to the bank…"
"No," Satellite shook her head, "I can't do that either..."

"I know your life as President was not as exciting and entertaining as mine…" Bill agreed, "but people will still want to know about what you did as President…"
"No," Satellite said, "it is not that my life was dull; it is just that my book is being already written by some prisoner in jail…"

"Then, how about touring the world and attending state receptions, like we do?" George suggested.

"I think I might be forced to do that because they will be after me if I remain in this country…"
"Now, now, Satellite," George said, "there are ways of getting around that..."
"And may I ask what those are?"

"You keep the job in the family like I did of course…" George said, "I got my son the job…"
"I am sure she knows all about that, George" Bill said, "she got the job from her mum and her mum got the job from her husband. It can't get any better than that…"
"Oh, no it can," George said, "my son will pass it on to his brother…"

"What about your brother, then?" Bill asked.
"Of course, I'd like to pass it on to him…" Satellite said, "but frankly I don't know whether he will be able to do a good job of it…"
"It does’nt run in the family does it?” Bill asked."

"Well," Satellite said, "first we would have to convince him to spend most of his time in our country than yours and even then, I have to first get my party to agree to passing on the job to him…"
"Ah," George said, "so yours is a country even more democratic than ours…"

"Oh, I'm sure the lady will work out a plan for that, George…" Bill said, "after all, she has held on to power for ten long years despite being bombed and despite having only a one seat majority for most of the time…"
"But, pardon me," Satellite asked, "I do need some help and advice on one issue…"

"What is that?" both George and Bill asked.
"How do you handle nasty socialists with beards who go around the country abusing you?"
George and Bill looked at each other, shaking their heads.

"I'm sorry…" George said. "we have only one of them and that is Castro who lives next door and I haven't been able to think of a way of getting rid of him…"
"Me neither," Bill said, "I guess you have to learn to live with them…"
Satellite was not amused.

Back to Columns