Mirror Magazine

Mirror Magazine

They are hard to find, impossible to forget
By N. Dilshath Banu
Friendship – the magical word of the world. When you are really down, when the world has forgotten you, when life seems like a winding lonely road, it’s a friend who can make you laugh. It’s a friend who can show you the hidden silver line in the gloomy sky. And it is a friend who can contribute to the growth of your character by their words and actions. Without friends, you are a mansion built in the sand that has no proper foundation to secure you from the obstacles of the world.

Science was able to find out that strong friendships may be the most important stress-fighter you have. Socialising has proven health benefits. Science may also be able to predict what makes us fond of one another, yet it cannot solve the mystery of true friendship that really keeps the human population moving ahead when the world turns against each other.

Ever wondered how many friends come into your life during this short period of time. Starting from the montessori days to the Advance Level classes, we would have had many friends. After school, university life springs up and for some, it’s work.

But then there are friends who we may not include into our immediate group yet they play a major role in our life, like our ‘van friends,’ ‘neighbourhood friends,’ ‘shopping friends’ and so on. Not forgetting to include pen pals and e-pals, in today’s context. Maybe we have not thought that these people can influence us, but take a closer look into your life, you may notice sometimes one of these groups playing a crucial role.

Deanna (21) says that friends are fun, but we should know whom are we associating with.“In life, you may find lots of friends and there is no particular category I cherish over the other. Sometimes, school friends will be there for you. Sometimes, it will be your university friends, van friends or even neighbours. It all depends on the situation.”

She says that somewhere down the line in your life, when someone has left their footprints in your heart and will be there for you, will always be a friend no matter whether that person may be closer or far away. “You don’t need to meet such friends all the time, in order to be friends. It’s a matter of a phone call, e-mail or occasional get-together,” says Deanna

Vinoth (21) says that he finds ease with all kinds of friends, whether they are school friends, neighbours or distant pen pals. “As long as I can trust them and be myself with them, I think I have no priority to any particular friend or group of friends.”

Twenty-three-year-old Suzan says, “I spend more time in the office than in any other place. So I guess, keeping a good rapport in office is very important to me. It’s the work friends who are very import to me, as I meet them every day.”

Unlike Suzan, Desmond (22) thinks that high competition often leads to backstabbing in the office and office friends cannot be trusted. “Although I meet my office friends very often, they are not close friends. There are some people I am confined with in the office, but not all the time. I cherish the relationship I have with my friends at home. They are the ones who keep me going through all the times.”

Married early and starting to take the responsibility of household at 21, Zeenath says that school friends and work friends may not be with you once you are married and preoccupied with house work. “After I got married, there were lots of things that needed to be given priority other than having contacts with friends. But I have good contacts with my neighbours. I think in any case, it’s the neighbour who will be at your side, specially during an hour of emergency. But I do occasionally keep in touch with my school friends,” she says.

Working in a computer oriented company, Andrew* (24) has one thing he cannot live without – computers. When he’s up or down, treasured or neglected, he comes to the computer to pour out his heart. “It’s so fascinating about e-pals. My time is always spent with computers, so computers have become my communication tool with the outer world. I have more e-pals than friends in the office or from local communities. I share information with them, sometimes even personal stuff. I also do have some local e-pals with whom I sometimes get-together to have fun.”

It’s true that friendships do evolve in the life cycle. It may start with a bud, then blossom and mature and then sometime fade, if we can’t nurture it. How many times, have you looked at your final year photograph and wondered what’s happening to those buddies?

How many times have you thought of calling them, but may have forgotten? And how many times have you thought about finding your lost friends, but have not had the time to do so?

Many friendships fizzle out after school life or simply when you shift to another area. Things change and relationships do fade away. The person you once thought you needed, may not be the one you need when you grow up. Childhood friendships just happen, but adult friendships are forged more out of choice. And you can choose whether you want someone as a friend or not.

“Friends are made on circumstances and it changes when circumstances change, like anything else in the world. Although there may be lot of friendship categories, there are only few people whom I recognise as friends,” says Kusal (21), adding, “It’s not the number of friends that counts. Even if you have a single friend, whom you can trust and who will be there when you need, then you have a friend.”

Sarath (26)* whose jobs involves travelling a lot, makes it inconvenient for him to sustain a good rapport with his friends. “Although there are lot of people I meet everyday, I still yearn to hang around with my school friends. Sometimes, when I feel lonely I turn the pages of my autograph book and flip through my old photos. That gives me lot of strength,” he says.

Tara* (24) is a very lucky person who has managed to retain her school friends, even when her world changed in many ways. Currently, she’s in university surrounded by different types of people, yet she sometimes finds it difficult to have a trustworthy friend. “I usually keep in touch with my friends through phone calls, e-mails and get-togethers. I really cherish them and they are the people still with me even when my whole world changed.”

No matter how we cherish friends, whether it’s school friends, neighbourhood friends or whatever the relationship is called, friendship is mystical. And we need to say “Thank You” to all our friends, who are always with us in sunshine and in rain. (*Names have been changed)

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