5th Column

Better red than dead or better dead than red?
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you even though you are in far away New York because you have also kept the post offices in that city busy, what with you and Mallo calling for explanations and issuing statements almost every day!
Now that the issue of when the elections should be held has been settled once and for all by the chaps in Hulftsdorp, it is a question of what the Southerner will do to ensure his victory over the Green Man and this is something we have all been watching with interest.

It is interesting not because of what he is doing-signing twelve-point agreements with anyone who happens to walk along the Galle Road in front of Temple Trees, but because of your response to that.

We can understand your agony at finding your own man dismantling the only achievements of your Presidency - the continuation of the ceasefire and the post-tsunami mechanism - but many people suspect a more sinister motive than that.

They say that you are angry because the Bee Dynasty is about to end and you could not ensure the succession of Mallo to the throne. You only gave the party ticket to the Southerner because you thought he would lose the contest but now that he is putting up a decent fight you are having second thoughts, they say.

Of course, for the man on the street all this is very interesting. Just a little over a year ago there was Mallo pleading with you to join the Reds and the Southerner was saying 'over my dead body'. The Reds even sent letters to you asking you to appoint Kadir as the PM, specifically asking you not to appoint the Southerner for the job.

And now, here we are, just a year later, with the Southerner pleading with you to join with the Reds in his campaign and you and Mallo saying 'over our dead bodies'! All this would be hilarious if not for one little thing - we are talking about the people who will be shaping the destiny of our country for the next six years or so.

I am sure you must be feeling more than a little regret at how everyone else is treating you after sacrificing so much - including a husband and an eye - to stay in politics and give leadership to the Blues during those dark days of the early nineties.

But what you must realise is that for those politicians caught in the middle of all this only one thing is clear - whoever wins the presidential contest, it won't be you and that is why they are deserting you and joining either the Green Man or the Southerner. So, now is the time to find out who your real friends are.

There still are those who hint that you won't go without a fuss and that you will dissolve the House and create mayhem in the Southerner's campaign. Then there are those who say that you will deprive the Southerner of nomination at the last minute. Whatever you do, I wouldn't be surprised for don't they say that 'hell hath no fury…'?"

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-After the dust has settled on all this and you are counting the very few Christmas cards that you will be receiving this year, you will probably need to learn a lesson or two from your predecessors Junius and Dearly Beloved - on the virtues of spending a quiet retirement without ruffling the feathers of the incumbent boss, especially if it is the Southerner!

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