5th Column

When a former president makes news
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you one last time before you pack up your bags and call it a day, retiring to Horagolla -- at least until they polish the floor and replace the curtains at Kadir's old official residence at Wijerama Mawatha.
Satellite, you ceased to hold office two weeks ago but you seem to be rarely out of the headlines these days. There were stories of how Mahinda refused you a farewell ceremony by taking oaths just a day after he was sworn in.

Then there was the story of how you were trying to return to Parliament on Kadir's vacant National List slot and last but not the least, the new President was very keen to let us know that he has cancelled some cheques issued by you.

Then there were grumblings about how much it was going to cost to maintain you. But I suppose the cheapest shot came from up the hill when that silver-haired pal of you-know-who said it cost more to maintain you than it cost to maintain all his colleagues. And to think that you were responsible for his rapid rise among the ranks too!

And now, Satellite, we hear stories that you had bought a mansion belonging to British royalty. To be fair, of course, you yourself had been aghast at the news and ordered that denial be sent to the London newspaper that published the story.

Finally you were reduced to broadcasting a 'farewell message' to the nation and only a few television stations gave a decent coverage of that event probably because you-know-who has now got him men in power and place. But we thought you were slightly off-colour in that performance although you did make a passing reference to extremists and kept a straight face when you offered your best wishes to your successor.

But I am sure all this would have convinced you that you have more enemies within the Blue camp than in the Green camp. Now we have ministers -- like that upstart Jeyaraj chap -- who have made a pastime of attacking you in public, when it was you who helped them become what they are today. But, Satellite, after nearly thirty years in politics, I am sure this is nothing new to you!

But of course, we will definitely miss you in the days ahead. We will miss the regular newspaper reports of the head of state being three hours late for an official function; we will miss your inimitable platform oratory and we will miss your ability to say something and then say you never said such a thing, without ever batting an eye lid. Of course, we are not sure how many of these talents Mahinda has picked up but then he rarely seems to do anything other than smile from ear to ear, does he?

Of course, Satellite, we still do not know whether you will make a final bid to return to Parliament and true to form, you keep everyone guessing even though you did say in your 'farewell speech' that you were retiring at long last. All that we can say is that we do think it is better to leave when people ask you why you are leaving instead of waiting until they ask you why you aren't leaving

So, goodbye and good luck. Judging by what has happened in the last two weeks, you will need all the luck too, if you are to survive in you-know-whose reign without anymore allegations and innuendos being thrust upon you!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-And could we have your forwarding address, Satellite? We are confused right now as to where we should send your correspondence: Horogolla, Madiwela or Wijerama Mawatha, although we are pretty certain it won't be to Sunninghill Park in England!

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