Are
you being pushed too hard?
By Ishani Ranasinghe
There are times when I am just so glad that I didn’t grow
up having to deal with my parents being pushy. Not all of us can
say the same looking back… and it seems that as time goes
by parents are becoming more demanding by the day when it comes
to their children.
Take
what my friend witnessed. Having decided to go for a swim last week,
she was taking a breather when she was a witness to an interesting
scene.
Imagine this – a little boy swimming laps on a day that was
supposedly a holiday, while his brother and sister are having the
time of their lives in the baby pool. He swims as fast as he could
and emerges, only to be told by his father that he can do better.
His efforts are brushed off, and all he keeps hearing is that he
should do better over and over again. A familiar ring to the story…
I think so.
Look
around you and you are bound to always find teenagers constantly
being pressured to do better than the rest. Be it to win medals
in sports, achieve ‘A’s in examinations or get that
leading role… they are being pushed and pushed all the time.
Interestingly
enough cases like this are known by many as parents suffering from
the whole, ‘I never did it, so you can do it on my behalf’
syndrome! But just take a minute to think about this. There is something
you should always remember when you are being nagged by your parents
to achieve things, and maybe become an overachiever. Parents who
pressure you to be ‘perfect’ usually have no more sinister
motive than simply wanting the best for you. It's actually a sign
that they care. Right, you are probably not going to believe me
on this, but it’s true. Yes, it is also agreed that this can
do more harm than good. This can definitely be one of the reasons
you are stressed out day in day out, but it also teaches you that
your best is never enough. Well, that definitely puts you in a bit
of a situation. So what can you do?
Try
to understand why they do it
Easier said than done, you might think, but think about it. If you
had kids, would you not want what’s best for them too? You
would, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately this can sometimes lead
to unrealistic expectations. Worse yet, a situation might arise
where your goals differ from the ones they want for you. But you
should always remember, this is usually a simple breakdown in communication,
and can be sorted out.
Be
honest
This is not that hard if done the right way. Maybe over dinner,
or while your parents are relaxing, try calmly explaining to them
how pressured you feel as a result of what they are doing, and how
it is affecting your life. Using examples might be helpful to get
your message across, like ‘If you say this, it makes me feel
stressed, because...’ But remember, never ever, and I must
stress on this, sound as if you are accusing them. That is not the
way to go, and you will not get your message across. What’s
worse, you might just get them annoyed, and that’s not something
we want, right?
Be
brave
They are your parents, so don’t be scared. Tell them exactly
what YOUR hopes and ambitions are. Also remember to be honest, when
it comes to where your strengths and weaknesses lie.
Know
what you want
One of the things pushy parents worry about most is that you will
end up not achieving anything. You know that you want to live your
life well, so reassure them that whatever direction you choose in
life, you'll do it to the best of your ability.
If
you can show them that you have (realistic) ambitions for yourself
and plans to make them happen, they may stop pushing and start supporting
you instead.
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