Mirror Magazine

Mirror Magazine

Bounce back
You know what they say: The way to get over one person is to find another one. What they don’t tell you is that if you make wise choices about whom you date after a break-up, you’ll get over your ex that much more efficiently. To that end, here are the ultimate dos and don’ts of rebounding to make sure you have a smooth ride to your next, well, real relationship.

DON'T hook up with a friend or an ex.
Sure, it’s tempting: You’re lonely. They’re there. But the short-term gain is not worth the long-term gamble. “Hooking up with a friend who likes you is easy, but it’s cruel to get his or her hopes up,” says Lynn Harris, author of Breakup Girl To The Rescue and msn.com advice columnist. After all, your friend may have been dreaming of this for years and will see your interest as a sign that you finally agree. With a previous ex, you’ll probably just wind up reliving the same unpleasant situations that split you two up originally. Also you’ll just endure more pain when you decide the rebound has run its course, because you’ll have to deal with a second break-up.

DO mingle with people beyond your usual circle.
“Meeting someone outside of your social circle allows things to naturally develop,” says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles psychologist who specialises in relationships. You are free from connections to your ex, not to mention reminders of him or her. Plus, just putting yourself out there and meeting people in new ways is an ego-boost.

DON’T hook up with people who work in your safe havens.
We’re talking about the hot assistant behind the counter at your gym. The places you want to go to escape are not the places you should be exploring your options! It will only make you feel weird about going there in the future. The last place you want to feel weird is the place you go to relax.”
DO hook up with the opposite of your ex.

“Stop and ask yourself, ‘Why didn’t my last relationship work? What didn’t I like about my ex?’” says Dr. Thomas. “Those are the real things you don’t want to repeat. Don’t go through all that trauma in vain!” If the rebound doesn’t remind you of your ex, you miss your ex less in the moment and can enjoy it more. Dating a different type can also remind you that it’s possible for you to break patterns. Your rebounds should remind you of what you didn’t know you were missing and make you feel happy to be single again!
DON’T cast off a rebound as a ‘can’t possibly work in the long term’ connection.

Why? Well, because sometimes a rebound can work. In fact, sometimes the fact that you’ve dismissed it as a rebound is precisely why it does work. “In rebound situations, your guard is down and your expectations are low, so you ease into it,” says Thomas. Also since you’re being nothing but yourself, it may actually result in one of the most realistic connections you’ve ever made. So keep all your options open, when you’re back in the big pond. People tend to assume that the next person you date chronologically after a break-up is automatically a rebound, but sometimes he or she is really just the next person you date, so don’t throw the babe out with the bathwater!
- Adapted from ‘The Right Way To Rebound’
by Amy Spencer

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