Threat comes as a treat for the local trekker

My Dear Clown Prince,

I thought I must send you a letter, even if it means sending it by Air Mail because we know you must be out of the country by now! But I thought I will still write to you after you said your life was under threat from the Tigers…

We know many people make fun of the fact that you are more away from the country than in it but isn't that why Mahinda Maama in his infinite wisdom appointed you as Minister of Tourism? Who else is better qualified to hold that position other than the country's most travelled tourist?

Anyway, Clown Prince, we were quite startled to hear that you had received death threats from the Tigers. And it all happened because you advocated banning the Tigers at the Cabinet meeting and some silly chap leaked this fact to the newspapers.

Now, we know that you are understandably angry about this but do you seriously expect Cabinet proceedings not to be leaked to the newspapers when there is a Minister under every bush and the boss himself is supposed to be the 'reporter'? I suspect you must be having your cabinet meetings in quite a large room and even then, it must be standing room only!

Of course, Clown Prince, you being you, it is only to be expected that you throw a tantrum. But you need to be careful about what you say because I am not quite sure that Mahinda maama has forgiven you for daring to challenge him as your party's nominee at the last elections. And as long as you have the 'B' name, he will always see you as a potential rival because he is so keen to entrench the 'R' name in the Blue party these days…

And that reminds me that Mahinda maama never really kissed and made up with Satellite either. While he keeps pruning her security and initiating inquiry upon inquiry into all that she did while she was the boss, she too keeps giving interviews and calling him names. Not even Eric Solheim will be able to resolve this spat, I guess.

We do understand that this places you in a rather uncomfortable position but then you too have this rather unique talent of opening your mouth and putting both feet firmly in. Who else but you could criticise that lady High Commissioner, only to get ticked off by Mahinda maama? And who else but you could have a public battle with your Ministry secretary without being able to get rid of him?

But I am sure these death threats from the Tigers worry you. Any other person would have said, "At last, official recognition of my hard work" and carried on regardless, but we know you will not say that because you have hardly done any work since becoming a minister and you are an honourable man.

But don't worry too much, Clown Prince. I don't have a clue about what the Tigers' hit list looks like but a glance at their past performance indicates that they generally target people who they believe would be strong leaders in the South, although they did try to eliminate Nimal Siripala in Jaffna once. So, the risk to you should be minimal, if Velupillai isn't losing his marbles by now.
So, take care, Clown Prince. My advice to you would be to be a bit more careful about the enemy within than the enemy without, what with rumours of a Cabinet reshuffle in the New Year also being talked about...

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS- I almost forgot to send you my compliments of the season and I suppose I should be wishing you 'Happy Holidays!' But then, we do know that life as a minister has been one long holiday for you, hasn't it?