Gifts for all good and bad this Christmas from Santa

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Santa Claus,

I thought I must write to you this week, even though you must be very busy, finalising your list of Christmas presents for everyone. I just hope this letter reaches you in time, with no postal strike between now and Christmas!

What is different this year Santa is that some people have already received their Christmas presents, so there is less for you to do. All our ministers and parliamentarians for instance, have already raised their own salaries so they wouldn't need any gifts this year!

I don't think that even Mahinda maama needs any presents this year, Santa. He seems to be very much in control even though Velu and the Reds are trying to upset him in different ways. But, he has managed to get rid of Satellite at least for the time being and that must be quite a gift for him. But then, he also has Uncle Ranil as the Leader of the Opposition and that must be the best gift of all…

I suppose Uncle Ranil himself could do with a gift or two, Santa. Why don't you take away some of those rabble rousers like Millie and the Professor who are hungry for Cabinet portfolios and hand them over to Mahinda maama? That will be the best present that Uncle Ranil would like to have…

Of course, we all know that the gift that Deshabandu Karu would dearly like is the leadership of the Greens, but you can't give it to him in time for Christmas, can you, what with all this talk of a settlement in the Green camp? But Santa, since he has already gone and complained to the Mahanayakes, why don't you at least try to restore his Number Two slot?

As for the Reds, Santa, why don't you gift them some plausible slogans? These chaps who vehemently opposed the anti-terror laws in the late eighties when they were at the receiving end are now its most ardent supporters. Very soon, the 'wansa' duo of Wimal and Somay are likely to run out of steam, so please gift them some face-saving strategies and a little common sense, Santa.

And while you are distributing your goodies, Santa, spare a thought for poor Satellite. She's lost her job and her security, they are complaining about her house and allowances and now she may even be kicked out of her UNESCO post. Maybe you could find her a job as a tutor for up and coming politicians in 'how to be always late and lie with a straight face…'

Then, Santa, please also spare a thought for the other millions of Sri Lankans for whom the only reason to smile about is the performances of our cricket team. As gifts this year they have already received bomb blasts, artillery fire and claymore mines in addition to price hikes, frequent strikes, floods and Chikungunya. They have also got a government they deserve and an opposition they don't deserve. So, I really can't think of anything more to give them. Can you, Santa?
Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-I guess the one man who really doesn't need a gift this year will be Velu. With everything going his way and the international community turning a blind eye to his atrocities he must be a happy man. But, with Bala gone, even he could do with a speechwriter now, Santa!