Nerdy and loving it

Some of the coolest people in the world are confirmed nerds… and if you're still hung up on ideas of dull, obsessed, badly-dressed people, think again. The average nerd has a good shot at fame and fortune, however, nerd-dom can be a very worrying place, filled with conspiracies, useless trivia and the occasionally fatal experiment. The trick, we believe, is to stay sane. Remember, if all else fails, there's sure to be a spot vacant for a twisted villain in the latest Batman movie.
Do you qualify? Take our test and find out.

1. You invariably leave strangers bewildered on Saturdays because:
a) You're incoherent after the party you hosted to welcome in the weekend went on till 10 a.m.
b) You insist on conversing in Latin about user-generated software content as a pragmatic methodology at 10 a.m

2. Do you frequently find yourself being peeled away from the computer terminal against your will?
a) No. I do the peeling.
b) Yes. My mother insists I need to bathe, brush and clear the fungus off my left over takeout at least once every two weeks.

3. When it comes to naming your pet, you choose:
a) Something that best represents your pet's sterling qualities. For example, Slime or Drip or Spotty.
b) The name of the Nobel Laureate you admire most.

4. This is something you've mentioned only to your therapist:
a) "I dream of you. I think you're very… appealing."
b) "I dream of Steve Jobs. I think he' very… appealing."

5. "Buckle up Dorothy 'cause…"
a) "…Kansas is going bye-bye."
b) "…your seat belt could save your life in an accident?"

6. How much memory (RAM) does the computer you own have?
a) Wait. Let me check the label. Ok, it says 'Intel Inside.' What does that mean?
b) 5.5 GB. Of which I have currently used 5.4 GB. About time I got an upgrade.

7. How many of the following do you own? i) Microscope ii) Bunsen Burner iii) Graphing Calculator iv) Telescope v) Laptop with wi-fi vi) Laser Printer
a) 1. But I think my company is going to take it back tomor- row when I quit.
b) 5. I'm still saving up for the telescope

8. Who is this man?
a) Robert De Niro in the Gangster Scholar?
b) Edwin Hubble. That's the picture taken at the Carnegie Institution's Mount Wilson Observatory, if I'm not mistaken.

9. Are you such a Trekkie that you own your own Star Trek Uniform?
a) Err... no. But I do have the poster (somewhere at the bottom of drawer), does that count?
b) Yes, and it's TrekkER not TrekkIE!

10. Identify this animal:
a) It's a giraffe! It's a zebra! No…it's an…
b) Okapi. In fact, it is related to the giraffe, though it is only about five feet high at the shoulder and has a much shorter neck.

11. Do you have bio-hazard warning signs posted all over your room?
a)Yes. It discourages snoopers
b) Yes. Just in case people don't spot the leaky neon green sludge.

12. My notes are:
a) Non-existent.
b) Colour-coded, bookmarked and regularly updated for easy reference.

14. What comes after Uut (113) in the Periodic table and what does it stand for?
a) 114, Wgad. (Who gives a damn?)
b) Uuq – Ununquadium: Atomic Number: 114. Atomic Weight: 289.

15. You wear glasses:
a) … all the time, I think they give me a sorta K-fed/J-Lo look.
b) … all the time, except I think I should get a lighter frame. I'm beginning to get nose strain.

Scoring: We're keeping it really simple, so all you have to do is scan your answers and figure out if you have more As or more Bs. Once you know that, check out the analysis offered below.

Analysis:
Mostly As:
Nerd-dom is not for you. Cool as it is, it might just mean a little too much effort. Of course there's very little consolation we can offer, but consider this – you'll always have a social life, will consistently be able to co-ordinate your wardrobe and will manage to be blissfully ignorant of the threat posed by the Trekkers Unite conspiracy.

Mostly Bs:
You might as well have it tattooed on your forehead. There's no escaping it, buddy, say it with me now – I am a Nerd. If you dropped the Latin, got yourself contact lenses, and got rid of your 'save the Okapi and other strange animals' t-shirt, you might have a chance at a normal life. But here's the important question.

Is normal really for you? Obviously, being a nerd has a few distinct advantages – not least the distinct possibility of spotting hostile aliens before they overrun earth. Besides if you're ever short of work, come to us and we'll let you write the quiz. So, Carpe Diem, my friend… go ahead and get the tattoo.