Gifts for all but one from Avurudu Prince

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Avurudu Kumaraya,
I thought I must write to you not only because the New Year is near but also to find out whether you would be coming this way at all: with so many travel advisories warning against coming to Sri Lanka, we couldn't blame you if you didn't arrive at all!
If you do decide to come here after all, there are many who will need special gifts from you and that was what we thought we should alert you to.

There is Mahinda maama, for instance. The first family of course doesn't need any gifts because they are all either ministers, secretaries or advisors but I am sure Mahinda maama could do with some more elephants on his side, now that even those who came to him seem to be leaving, one by one. Try to arrange that, if you can.

You may not meet the Green Man on your sojourn here because he is more out than in and is probably the country's unofficial Foreign Minister. But he too could do with at least a few members remaining in his own party but really the best gift that you can give him is to ensure that Karu and the other horu who crossed over do not return to the fold.

Then there is the Clown Prince who once famously said that he doesn't want to be part of a circus of clowns. Now, I'm sure he would like any other portfolio - yes, absolutely anything - than what he holds now where his only task seems to be guarding decaying paintings at Museums and at Sigiriya.

Satellite should also be on your list and there are so many things she would wish for: to be in office one more year, some land at Madiwela, a few more security personnel - you name it; she wants it, so you can take your pick. Then there is her friend, Avamangala who is not sure whether he is coming or going. I am sure he would dearly like to be back with the Blues but the man is too proud to eat his own words. I am sure he will be pleased to have his membership back in the Blue party as a gift, because he will be sacked soon, before you could say COPE report!

I am sure Avamangala's comrade in arms, Sripathi would like a gift too and his wish is quite clear: he is spending his New Year in jail and all he would want from you is for him to be allowed out on bail!

Don't forget Wimal too. He has lost some of his fire now that he has to take on Mahinda maama, in public at least. Can you find him some excuse to convince his party men that they should get back with Mahinda maama so that he can show off his hair gel and mobile phone on state television more often?

As for the rest of us Sri Lankans, there are many gifts that we would like to have. For instance, a little bit of peace and the assurance that we wouldn't be abducted in broad daylight or that we wouldn't get caught in a bomb blast would be welcome. Many would prefer if you could lower the high cost of living as a gift too.

But right now, Avurudu Kumaraya, I think the only gift that the whole country yearns is for Sri Lanka to win the cricket World Cup. I am not sure whether you can arrange that, Avurudu Kumaraya!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS - Remember, the one man who doesn't need a gift from you this year is Velu. He has Amnesty International doing his bidding and now he has his own aircraft too, so what more can he possibly need?