Look left

I am, or at least was, singularly unqualified to write this article…I am not a left hander, neither can I lay claim to anything more than a passing acquaintance with any left-handers around. This was until an hour or two ago. And the timeline goes like this: my editor politely suggests I write this article, and I (polite only as a person who wants to keep her job can be) accept. Ten minutes later, I am to be found frantically opening up multiple internet explorer windows and hassling every one of my friends to reveal the whereabouts of any left-handers they might be hiding from the world. I will soon be what the critical folks like to call a self professed expert, and what the rest of world knows simply as a feature writer.

From what I gather –wading through the muck and the mire that is our history – lefties haven't had it easy since forever. At least these days, being an unrepentant southpaw is unlikely to get you branded the devil himself (instead you might need to orchestrate a genocide or two to qualify.) And I do not exaggerate: in Portuguese, left handed people are commonly identified as, canhoto, once a name for the devil.

To take it a step further, apparently in "more technical contexts, 'sinistral' may be used in place of 'left-handed' and 'sinistrality' in place of 'left-handedness." Cunningly, this almost seems to suggest something sinister about being left handed…and as a result unsuspecting 'evil' left-handers have long starred in conspiracy theories not of their making. As a comfortably right handed person, you can't help but sympathise at least a little as it's obvious that some cack-handed folk do have ample cause for complaint. But to right their lefts (so to speak) we must first face the extent to which common etymology victimises them.

Victims of the Word

This is a frankly depressing and altogether astounding list. However, the good news is that we could spin it so that the Europeans and perhaps the Chinese take the fall. To build our case: European languages tend to consider "right" an appropriate synonym, for well, rightness. In fact Right not only equals Might, it also equals Authority and Justice in English. Now not only do left-handers have the dubious distinction of having incurred the wrath of the whole legal lexicon, they are also (historically) thought of as being less skilful. (No one seems to have taken into consideration the fact that most instruments are made for the convenience of the right-handed majority.) Case in point, (quoth Wikipedia): The Latin word for right-handed is "dexter," as in dexterity; indeed, the Spanish term diestro means both "right-handed" and "skillful." In Irish, "deas" means "right side" and "nice" while "ciotóg" is the left hand and is related to "ciotach" meaning "awkward."

The Norwegians say it worst with their expression venstrehåndsarbeid – don't even try to pronounce it, stick with the translation 'left-hand work.' If you are the unlucky recipient of this pearl of wisdom, you may take it for granted that your work has been done in "something done in a sloppy or unsatisfactory way." You will come across variations of this in almost every major European language, including German and French.

Walking on the Bad Side

In ancient China, apparently, actions spoke much louder than words. The left was traditionally the "bad" side. If you were to take the "left path" you would have used illegal and immoral means (consider though: aren't they generally the most efficient?) Even more depressing is that the left side of the Buddhist yin and yang symbol, yin, represents darkness, while the right yang, represents light and life.

Christians too join the fray. In a famous passage, the sheep (a.k.a you and I) are divided into two groups. The group on the right hand of Jesus make it through the pearly gates and into the meadows where the grass is always green and the butcher was mobbed by the animal activists. The sheep on the left side, however, get sent on to hell and the eternal bar-be-cue.

Having the occasional chilly shudder in New Zealand (not an unusual occurrence, surely?) would have the Maoris assuming that Casper had come to pay a visit. Having possessed your soul, the ghost jiggled you around a bit. But here's the catch – if the jiggle was on the right side, good luck was coming. But a jiggle on the left – shucks for you – meant bad luck or possibly even death and damnation.

"Withershins" (such an intrinsically witchy word) was used by the Scots to describe anyone moving in the wrong direction, i.e. counter clockwise. And even in the manic hustle and bustle of the 21st century, we all find the time to be bigots at the expense of our left-handed bretheren.

How do you describe someone you trust, someone who is indispensable to you? He's your right-hand man. What if you're such a bad dancer that you ought to come with a 'beware of me' sign? You have two left feet. Ever described a teenager with spouting awkward, callow poetry as "gauche"? What you were saying in French, was "how left-handed!" In fact, one of the most revealing and catchy names for left comes from Romany where the word 'bongo,' means crooked or evil.

Despite being burdened down with all this prejudice, the history books are peppered with lefties who managed not only to significantly contribute to humanity's overall well being but also to become wildly popular AND incredibly rich. Consider these left-handers: fabulous artists (Leonardo Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Picasso), brilliant entertainers (Jimi Hendrix, Charlie Chaplin, David Bowie, Kurt Cobain, Amitabh Bachan), great scientists (Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Nikola Tesla), good looking people (Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise), biblical figures (the Benjaminite soliders and Judge Ehud ben Gera) and random pyschos (Jack the Ripper and George H.W Bush). It’s enough to give you hope isn't it?

So many legendary movers and shakers have been southpaws that it's obvious that having an unorthodox brain structure can take you on trips that the rest of us can't even imagine. Lefthanders are rare, and different and special. And if I were one of them, I'd probably form a club and scheme to overthrow the rest of us.