Naughty or nice?

The day of judgement is at hand. Another year has slipped by, seemingly in a blink of an eye; and now is the moment of reckoning, the moment when the truth will be out, when you will be face to face with Him. Quake before the fat man in the red suit as he stands before you…shake in fear as he asks in a thundering voice: "Have you been naughty or nice?" As the echoes fade, we sincerely hope you have an answer handy.

If not, take the quiz while you try to evade the homicidal flying reindeer. (Rudolph can be very unfriendly, but if you can, go for the nose – that's the part the really hurts.)

So, ho, ho ho, what can you expect in your stocking this year?

i) You can't remember very clearly. The police told your parole officer they found you jaywalking naked down Flower Road.
ii) Joyfully embracing your family and friends. The New Year is a time for those you love, even if that included your exasperating aunt Malkanthi.
iii) Opening champagne bottles in the cancer ward of the General Hospital.

i) You were swimming in toilet paper as you leaked brain fluid through your nose for the umpteenth time.
ii) You were vacationing in the country house. Vanishing when you have to make a big presentation is key to having your over-worked colleagues appreciate your tremendous value.
iii) You were raising funds to buy Avurudu gifts for the city's homeless kids.

i) Yes, within a week.
ii) Oops. Perhaps she's home now?
iii) Well, it kinda cracked up when I drove over it, but hey, I snail mailed the pieces.

i) Yes, I think I even beat Bugs Bunny at the carrot eating competition.
ii) Well. I didn't have to go to the doctor. Does that count?
iii) My body and I are no longer friends. We broke up when it gave me ulcers followed by migraine headaches.

i) Bought my true love a bunch of flowers.
ii) Dumped my partner after an exquisitely expensive dinner (which she paid for.)
iii) Visited the old widowers' home with several boxes of chocolate and a romantic novel to read aloud.

i) Let me see…I think it was when they had to fly over to China to bail me out of jail for killing and cooking that panda bear.
ii) Err…does it count if I call them now?
iii) When we met for our regular Sunday lunch.

i) I gave a little money here and there, packed off some of my old clothes…you know the regular stuff.
ii) I did volunteer to help my friend test out his new speakers at 2:30 a.m. on a week day, does that count?
iii) Well I spear headed a campaign to wipe out poverty in the third world. As a final gesture, I might renounce all luxuries and join a monastery.

i) Went hunting for the most gullible sucker around. Unfortunately (for him), you found him.
ii) Went hunting for the most gullible sucker around - then spent the rest of the day defending him.
iii) Turned into a cynical, watchful, paranoid earthling.

i) It might be easier to ask me how many times I have not lied.
ii) Well a few times, but only under extreme duress.
iii) Not once. I firmly believe that 'the truth shall set ye free.'

i) Walk the Line
ii) A Series of Unfortunate Events
iii) Sin City

Check your answers with the table given below. Depending on what you have the most of – Cs, Ss or Ds – consult are analysis below for an honest estimation of what you can expect in your stocking this Christmas.

Mostly Cs – Santa is displeased with you:

You've been bad, very, very bad…and you love it! You can't resist temptation, and since temptation returns the compliment – trouble is your middle name. So far, 'facing the consequences' is something that happens to the unfortunate people in your immediate vicinity. But be warned that the day will come when your luck runs out…and then you had better watch out for Rudolph.

Mostly Ss – Leave a cookie out for Santa.

You're human – a.k.a a-little-flawed-but-basically-the-decent-sort. You do occasionally stray from the straight and narrow (sometimes intentionally) but since life on the wild side can be unsettling, you tend to revert to type quickly.

Mostly Ds – Santa is well pleased with you:

You're destined for sainthood. (Be prepared, though, to be stoned by the commoners first.) Santa, who sees all and knows all, is aware of this – which is why you will find diamonds and all manner glittery things in your stocking. However, knowing you, you'll pawn them and use the money to feed the homeless family bunking down in your garage.