Please Santa, let’s have more of everything-and don’t make it ‘blue’

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Santa Claus,
I think it is time to write to you now because I know you must be finalising your list of goodies for all those in our country who I am sure would like a few gifts from you to enliven their new year.

If we were to start at the top, Santa, I think you should gift Mahinda Maama with an aircraft of his own. The poor chap was stuck in London and you know what, when he wanted passengers offloaded so he and his entourage could fly back to Colombo, they refused-and how dare they do that! So, buy the poor chap a plane of his own, will you?

And, Santa, on this same subject of airlines, don’t forget to find a new job for that airline boss who was sent packing before you could say ¡Mihin Air. It is true that he refused a request from the King but then it is a pity that it took so long for him to get a real taste of paradise.

And if you are doling out jobs this year, why not find one for the Clown Prince. The chap was run out during the budget debate and no one-least of all, he himself-now knows whether he is the Minister of National Heritage or not. Is it not a pity for the man who has the greatest heritage in the entire world: a father, a mother and a sister who have been leaders of this country!

While you are getting gifts for the Clown Prince, don’t forget his good class mate, Ranil. I really don’t know what you can do to help him-I don’t think anyone does. But if you can convince him not to try and defeat Mahinda Maama in parliament with the help of the Reds, that alone would be quite a gift for him!

As for the Reds, I don’t think they need any gifts this year, Santa. They have had the best of both worlds, criticising Mahinda Maama and his government at every turn, yet, doing exactly as they please when it comes to voting against him.

But among those who do need presents will be those parliamentarians from the North and East, Santa. Can’t you find a safe haven for their relatives whenever a crucial vote is taken up in Parliament? I am told that the government has nothing to do with it but it still baffles me as to how they go missing during the vote and are ¡returned safely after the vote is over, with the parliamentarians having abstained from voting!

Then, how could you spend a Christmas without getting a gift for that lovely lady, Satellite? She appears to have no fixed abode in this country and if you could find a decent official residence and some security officers for her, I guess she will be more than happy, Santa.

I heard Mahinda Maama has said he will introduce finger printing machines for ministers to ensure they report for work punctually. I think you should gift some of these to him so he can put these to good use, Santa. With so much of development now going on even without ministers being punctual, just imagine how developed we would be if they all turned up at work on time!

And Santa, if you are thinking about how you could get all these gifts delivered to all these people on time, just ask Basil will you? He is the expert about who goes where, and he will take care of everything for you and what is more, he will keep everything a top secret until the last moment!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-Santa, as for the average citizen, I don’t think any amount of gifts would be sufficient to help them make ends meet. What I would suggest to keep them happy would be a generous helping of cricket matches and more media coverage of the war that we are supposed to be winning.