Fitting in

Last Sunday, I invited several friends to spend an afternoon in blissful lethargy. It was a mismatched group at best, and they smashed my lazy Sunday into a million pieces. Fem was responsible for kick starting a general meltdown, after she stormed out shouting, "The fight for feminism has been too long and too glorious for you to exploit the female form in such fashion!" The offender was Nicole Scherzinger, who bent forward, pouted over her shoulder and suggestively gyrated her hips as she invited her audience to loosen up her buttons.

After that, things fell apart. Kofi, resplendent in her Barefoot Kurta, started talking about the latest venture of Nations Incorporated to help the Tsunami victims. I knew I needed to end that conversation before she began to rave about how only Nations Incorporated knew how to Save The World.

I was saved by Paris, who after her umpteenth glass of wine, decided she didn't want to die of alcohol poisoning after all, and puked all over Raphael's bag, in which he carried all his painting paraphernalia. He coldly informed a simpering Paris that she shouldn't drink so much and stormed out. I was thankful that he hadn't smacked her with a giant paintbrush in a fit of rage.

Recently, Sri Lanka was listed as the third most dangerous place for journalists by a group which fights for media rights worldwide. But what worries me more than landmines, air strikes and drive-by shootings, is the social sphere of Colombo, which is more stratified and cutthroat than ninth-grade cafeteria. My friends were born in the 80's to combat complex social politics and superciliousness of rival elite circles, which demand the control of our adult lives.

The chief dividing line on the dance floor is a social philosophy that is hard to digest: Those of a similar cause clique together and judge the rest. The party people are more plugged into the discotheque gossip and politics, while the mercantile crowd struggles to remember the names, the humanitarians save the world, the feminists fight and the artists condescend. Why can't everyone just get along?

A classic example is December 31. New Year's Eve. An ultimate triumph for the battling of social circles. Proof beyond a shadow of doubt that deep entrenchment in a dark, cramped hole (aka elite social clique) is the New Black. Introducing 2008 to Generation Y in Sri Lanka are three events worthy of reference. Many hotels and events organizers strived to compete but they didn't get past square one, for Colombo was quickly divided into three groups- Fashionistas, Dreamers and Those Willing to Drive 120 kilometers. With every Rs. thousand spent on a ticket, I felt we were buying into an unnatural world to which we shouldn't belong. A world of elitism, narcissism and insularity.

Fair enough, countless people do not own adequate physical or social traits, which would enable them to exist on their own among Colombo's social community. Thus, we have relinquished ourselves to the power of a clique that provides the invitations to parties, new prospects and social encounters.

On the flipside, all cliques victimize in order to maintain their power. This can be a ruinous experience. Colombo's new exclusive and vicious cliques have consistently rejected many from social events, frozen out friendships and trashed former partners. Depending upon its structure, a clique can victimize for numerous reasons, as it is insensitive to the impact of rejection on a person's life, and only strives to prosper in a world of Queen Bees and Outcasts.

With rejection, acceptance and strange courting rituals, the social scenario is a very similar to dating. One of my friends goes to great lengths to keep up his social appearance. He will drive you to the end of the Earth, cook you a meal, which will cost him 5 hours and supply you with unlimited alcohol, to upkeep his title as the Holy Grail of Amity. Another friend of mine claims that when making new friends, even among members of your own gender, she feels like she is involved in flirting. "You see someone you think is interesting, but you can't be obvious because you don't want to appear desperate, so you have to be cautious and mild in your conversation, just like when you were simply twelve, and fell in love with the boy next door."

Is this the social milieu we seek? If so, what has changed since the ninth grade? The Queen Bee has been replaced with Über-Socialite, the Dating Game, with Let's-Make-New-Friends Struggle and the Dirty Tricks, Not-Very-Obvious Dirty Tricks.

Time to wake up and smell the Caste System. The Colombo social circles are defined by power and close the door to limitless friendship. They don't allow room for personal growth, or expansion of your own circle. The frequent comparisons to others deplete your personal power and rob you of a perception of your uniqueness. Sadly, we give up so much for the maintenance of a status quo. Why devote so much time and energy for the prosperity of elitism? Why ardently seek validation? After all, isn't genuine friendship effortless and straightforward?

Perhaps the current social conditions will always prevail in Colombo. Do we all pick up our phones and dial V for victim? Or do we learn to discover our self worth and resist the pressure of elitists?