Across the East, the sun shines, and there’s no more sorrow!

By Rypvanwinkle

My dear Mahinda maama,

I thought of writing to you after seeing you administer the oath of office to the recently elected councillors in Batticaloa. And seeing you that day, I must say that the classes you recently took in Tamil seem to have paid off-it took a while to realise that this was the Maha Kalu Sinhalaya speaking!

Now, Mahinda maama you have said you want elections to the provincial council too in the east. While no one can criticise elections that allow people to decide who their representatives would be, I am sure there are people who are worried about what is likely to happen.

Everyone knows that this breakaway group from the Tigers is now working hand in glove with the government, Mahinda maama. While that too is not necessarily a bad move, what worries most people is the fact that they are still armed to their teeth-and you have now given them power and privileges as well!

Do you remember a chap called Varatharajah Perumal, Mahinda maama? After the Indo-Lanka accord, JR and Dixit got together and put him in power and place and what did he do? He went on to proclaim a Unilateral Declaration of Independence-now you don’t want the same thing to happen to you, do you?

And don’t forget that many people are watching us. After all, they haven’t forgotten that the chap called Karuna was the former leader of this group which won the election and that he is now languishing in a British jail for forging a passport-which of course, your government knows nothing about, we are told!

I must warn you though, Mahinda maama, the provincial council poll will be no cake walk like the local government elections. The greens and the reds, not to mention Rauf will also contest the elections, so it won’t be a one horse race. But then, we all know that you are now an expert on how to influence people and win elections!

And that reminds me, Mahinda maama of all these media people-especially at the state television station-who are being threatened and assaulted in various ways. I know you had a discussion with them and promised them they won’t be harassed anymore. But I must say I hope the attacks won’t stop right now!

Think about it, Mahinda maama; if the attacks stop all of a sudden just after you give them your promise, it can only mean that you were in some way responsible for the attacks, isn’t it? Well, we all know you weren’t but that is what the entire opposition-and even some of the media chaps-will then say!

Of course, Mahinda maama, we all know the best solution is to say good riddance of bad rubbish and give Dr.You-Know-Who the sack. And when you don’t do that, Mahinda maama, it only leads to rumours and speculation that our beloved Dr.You-Know-Who is protected because he knows a lot of little secrets about, well, a lot of people…

But don’t let that deter you from all the good work that you are doing, Mahinda maama. We are certain that the war will end soon under your guidance, we will find oil under your guidance and Velupillai will be captured under your guidance. When all that happens, Mahinda maama, you can stand for re-election and we will all vote for you…

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-I know you have been quite busy attending so many funerals recently and that made me realise that you are, in a sense, quite a fortunate man. Even Fate and Mother Nature seem to conspire against those who oppose you-why, of the three ministers you sacked in your last reshuffle, two have already passed away and the third must surely be a worried man!