5th Column

My dear Prasanna,

I never thought I would be writing to you this week but then I thought I must, when I saw you on the news. I was excited because I thought you were once again trying to uplift our chilli powder industry but I then realised that for once, the news was not about you but about what your son had done.

I must admit that when I heard that a ‘Prasanna Rana’ from the Gampaha District was in the news in relation to some type of undesirable behaviour, I thought of someone else first. I don’t want to name names but let’s just say my mind went to people who allegedly demand a ‘ransom’ to get work done.

That also made me wonder what talent the people of the Gampaha District seem to have. Somehow, they have a special ability to pick those people who make headlines. Some may argue that it is for all the wrong reasons but then, if you are a politician, any publicity is better than no publicity, right?

Just looking at the recent past, the people of Gampaha have, in their infinite wisdom, chosen people such as yourself, the ‘other’ Prasanna and Mervyn who once tied a public official to a tree. Then, when they were given a choice between the ‘Paba’ actress and Karu, ‘Paba’ got more preferences!

Even within the Gampaha District, the people of Kelaniya are special. You are from Kelaniya, as was Mervyn. What is it that makes the voters of Kelaniya choose people whose children go about assaulting others and disrupting their lives? Tell me Prasanna, did Mervyn’s son advise your son?

Of course, time was when Kelaniya was known as a hallowed city visited by the Buddha. Now people refer to it as the city where a King of snakes emerged from the river in a polythene bag to herald the emergence of a new leader. Less than three years later, we all know how that story ended, don’t we?

Anyway, Prasanna, after this incident involving your son, we heard you tell the whole world that you want him to grow up to be a good person and not a bully. It would have taken some courage for you to utter those words publicly, especially when you know that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

This boy must have grown up watching those video clips of you, four years ago, at the height of the constitutional crisis brought about by Aiyo Sirisena, quietly sneaking up to the Speaker’s chair in Parliament and throwing chilli powder on it. So, it is not fair to blame the boy for what he has done!

I don’t blame you too if you haven’t mellowed after that incident. It is true that you were suspended from Parliament for a little while but in return, the entire country got to know and hear about you. If you didn’t do that, you would have been just another backbencher who we don’t often hear about.

Isn’t it ironical that you did all those ‘miris kudu’ antics to prevent Uncle Ranil returning to the PM’s chair after being sacked by Aiyo Sirisena? Yet, here you are today, being sworn in as a State Minister before the same Uncle Ranil. No wonder this is a land like no other, like our tourism slogan says!

Now, there is speculation that you will be asked to step down while this incident is being dealt with, especially because your son is alleged to have used an official vehicle allocated to you. I don’t think you need to worry about that, Prasanna, because, in Paradise, history repeats itself over and over again.

SB’s son began the trend of bad behaviour by ministers’ sons, but SB survives. Nothing happened to Mervyn because of his son’s shenanigans. Keheliya remains a minister despite his son trying to open an aircraft door at 30,000 feet. Arundika is still around after his son tried a stunt similar to your son’s.

Some will say that if those who swam in Gota maama’s swimming pool or draped his flag as a sarong are charged for abuse of State property, your son who allegedly used your official vehicle to assault others should face similar consequences but then, in Paradise, the law never really works that way.

Others are also saying that Uncle Ranil is a stickler for discipline and that when he returns after attending to funerals, he will want your resignation. I don’t think you need to worry about that, Prasanna. If he is so particular about discipline, he wouldn’t have appointed you in the first instance!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: I am confident that the people of Gampaha will, once again, prove that they make special choices at the next elections too. What’s more, they will again be offered the chance to do so. No, I’m not thinking of you or the ‘other’ Prasanna – I’m told young Harin will also be running from Gampaha!