5th Column

My dear Basil,

I didn’t think I would be writing to you this week after writing to Gota maama last week about what would have been his third anniversary in office had he not left in a hurry. It came as somewhat of a surprise to see you in Paradise because we didn’t expect you to return from your Motherland so soon.

Ah, what a difference a few months makes, Basil. It was a little over four months ago, in the middle of the chaos that forced Gota maama to flee the country, that you too tried to pack your bags and leave. At that time, immigration officers at the airport refused to deal with you and you had to stay.

A couple of months later, faced with charges of mismanaging our economy and being responsible as Minister of Finance for the current crisis, you had to ask for special permission from the courts to leave Paradise. You said you were leaving for medical treatment and they gave you time till January.

That is why we were surprised to see you last week. Whatever treatment you had, it seems to have worked wonders. You looked hale and hearty. More importantly, the same airport staff who refused to serve you a few months ago opened their VIP lounge for you though you are not even a MP now.

What a scene it was at the airport that day. Members of Parliament from your ‘pohottuwa’ Party were falling over each other and literally bending over to worship you. It was as if nothing had happened in the past few months, and the ‘R’s were still in charge. Some say they still are.

There you were, the Finance Minister who presided over the greatest economic debacle that Paradise has seen, whose actions led to Gota maama becoming the first Head of State to flee the country. Yet, the red carpet was laid out to welcome you back. Seeing that, we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

It showed us that despite all that happened during the ‘aragalaya’ and thereafter, there are people who still feel that currying favour with the ‘R’ clan will ensure their political survival. No wonder then that the VIP lounge was made available to you: it showed all of us the ‘importance of being Basil’!

There were still a few notable absentees like Kappam Prasanna and others who usually make a beeline to the airport when you return from overseas. Rumour has it that they have now shifted loyalties to Uncle Ranil with an eye on the next elections because they feel the ‘pohottuwa’s chances are poor.

Speaking of Uncle Ranil, I admire how you persuaded him to appoint State ministers of your choice against his better judgment. Most of them, he wouldn’t want to be seen in the same photograph with. Nevertheless, he agreed to appoint them perhaps because he worries about his parliamentary majority.

Uncle Ranil is putting up more resistance with the list of Cabinet ministers you sent him, though. He is nearing the end of six months of his term and would rather function with the Cabinet he inherited from Gota maama and even leave out his faithful Vajira, rather than appoint your people.

Now that you are back, Basil, we know you will crank up the pressure on Uncle Ranil to get the Cabinet you want. Then, though you are not in Parliament, you can control everything. After all, this is what an ‘Udin Ranil, Yatin Basil’ or ‘Apparently Ranil but really Basil’ government should be like.

Despite all these stories about ‘pohottuwa’ MPs becoming so-called ‘independents’, we saw last week that they still had the numbers to comfortably pass Uncle Ranil’s Budget. Your return to Paradise must have played a part in that and I’m sure Uncle Ranil will be grateful for that too in his own way.

We know that you have lost no time in trying to woo these ‘independents’ back to the ‘pohottuwa’ camp. You are doing to the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps exactly what Uncle Ranil is trying to do with the ‘telephone’ chaps: trying to get them back to the parent Party. So, you two make a nice pair, Basil.

Even if you did return to Paradise with some trepidation about what would happen next, you would have been heartened by Uncle Ranil’s words. There will be no more ‘aragalaya’s and no early elections, he said.

The plan is for Uncle Ranil to preside until Namal baby takes over. That won’t be until 2030 when Namal baby has a thicker moustache and sprouts some grey hairs. The greens and the ‘pohottuwa’ can nominate Uncle Ranil jointly in 2024. You are already thinking about it, aren’t you, Basil?

Yours truly

Punchi Putha

PS: There is the small matter of dual citizenship which prevents you from entering Parliament. Who knows, the 21st Amendment can be overturned later to allow you to return like it was done once before or you could renounce your US citizenship like Gota maama did. Which do you prefer, Basil?