5th Column

My dear Uncle Ranil,

I wrote to you last only a few weeks ago, but I feel I must write to you again because you have been in the news so much recently doing what we least expected you to do, attending Parliament regularly during the Budget debate when you don’t have to, and then trying to teach us about Buddhism.

After spending most of your adult life – 45 years to be exact, except for a few months after the last general election – in Parliament, you must be missing your days in Parliament. That is why you keep returning. Those who did your job before you hardly visited the place after becoming the boss.

Of course, being there must be useful to maintain a dialogue with the ‘telephone’ chaps who defected from the Green camp. We know that Harin and Manusha are working overtime to get some of them back to your side, but sometimes, even the best laid plans don’t work, as we saw with Rajitha recently.

Speaking of you being in Parliament, Uncle Ranil, people are asking why you need an ‘advisor’ on parliamentary affairs when you are probably the most experienced parliamentarian around? You have appointed that chap Ashu to that post. It looks like you certainly could have done without his help.

The other day, while attending a panel discussion on television, Ashu claimed that the Governor of the big bank was lying to the public about the amount of debt the country was in. That is because he is preparing to contest the next presidential election claims Ashu, who also calls himself a ‘professor’.

A few days later, our professor says that what he said was false and apologises profusely. I do feel for Nandalal who returned from overseas to save what was left of our economy – but you must also realise that most people also thought Ashu wouldn’t utter such a remark unless he had your blessings!

Anyway, Uncle Ranil, despite your library being recently destroyed by that horrendous act of setting fire to your home, you seem to be doing a lot of reading still and from what we hear you say, most of that reading appears to be about Buddhism on which you seem to be the ultimate authority these days.

First you taught Mujibur from the ‘telephone’ party that the ‘thun biya’ or ‘three fears’ he mentioned were from the ‘Rathana Suthraya’ and therefore not relevant to the current situation. You said that the fear of Hirunika was not among them but if you ask Gota maama he might have a different view!

You then took on a section of the Maha Sangha itself, saying that not all those who wear robes are worthy of respect. You said there were ‘sivuru daagaththa batto’ or youngsters in robes among them who only wore robes so they can participate in the ‘aragalaya’ to try and topple the government.

You also said that, if a monk obtains a university degree and later becomes a layman, the name on his degree certificate shouldn’t be altered. I don’t know how legal that would be. I also wonder why the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps, who rush to defend the ‘apey hamuduruwo’, are so silent about your remarks?

Next, you lectured Anura Kumara sahodaraya after he said that Buddhism was based on equality. Not so, you said, because Buddhism was based on the four noble truths. Being the leftist that he is, you can hardly blame Anura Kumara sahodaraya for his ignorance, so you must forgive him, Uncle Ranil.

Then, you saved your best shot for Sajith. He quoted the Parabhava Suthraya and said that those who insult the Sangha fall into decline, obviously hinting at you. You argued that the Parabhava Suthraya only refers to the Dhamma and not the Sangha and that Sajith got them mixed up.

I don’t know who is right about that, so you should get expert advice. After all, you have the services of an in-House monk available to you, so you can ask him. It may be difficult to locate him though because he keeps changing sides. That is why they call him ‘Athana Methana’ and then his name!

After listening to this overdose of religion during the recent sessions in Parliament, most people are asking whether the purpose of Parliament is to teach us religion, when its primary task is to make laws. Why should we have to listen to politicians reciting ‘bana’ and monks talking about politics?

You would have come off with flying colours as the ultimate religious pundit if not for that final, fatal flaw when you said that Angulimala thero conspired against the Buddha while being a monk. You must have meant Devadatta thero. I don’t know how you can recover from that, Uncle Ranil!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Since your lectures on Buddhism in Parliament, you needn’t fear about a career after politics; you can always become a ‘daham paasel’ teacher. If you remain in politics though, beware. Instead of saying ‘Jayaweva’ people may say, ‘Sadhu, Sadhu, Kollupitiye Ranila nayaka hamuduruwo’!