5th Column

My dear Diana,

I thought I must write to you because you have become a hot topic these days, what with people talking about your citizenship and passports and whether you are eligible to sit in Parliament. If you carry on at this rate, you will soon become more famous than the other Diana, the late Lady Diana!

I believe you are due to appear in Court tomorrow about this matter and I’m sure our justice system, in its infinite wisdom, will arrive at a decision about your fate in Parliament. Whatever that decision is, being a politician, you will agree that any publicity is better than no publicity at all.

Diana, all these headlines and the heated debate about your citizenship must be quite exhilarating for you. Less than three years ago, you were just a member of an unheard of ‘three wheel’ type political party called the ‘Apey Jathika Peramuna’. Now, you suddenly find yourself in the national limelight.

You happened to be in the right place at the right time when Sajith decided that he couldn’t carry on in the Green Party with Uncle Ranil set to be Leader for Life. So, he decided to break away from the Green Camp and form his own outfit.

The vast majority of those in the Green Party at that time read the public mood correctly. They knew that the Greens under Uncle Ranil were doomed, so they joined the exodus. However, with elections scheduled only weeks away, they wouldn’t have been able to register a brand new political Party.

That is where you came in handy. You and your husband Senaka offered Sajith your little known ‘Apey Jathika Peramuna’ and its symbol, the telephone, for their use. Sajith and Madduma Bandara became its leader and secretary and promptly changed its name to ‘Samagi Jana Balavegaya’.

Sajith didn’t overlook your generosity in gifting your ready-made Party to him in his hour of need. He put you on the National List with the assurance that you will be in Parliament, no matter what. That is why you were chosen, even though the ‘telephone’ chaps had won only 7 National List seats.

If Sajith thought he had found a lifelong ally in you, he was mistaken. Hardly two months had elapsed after you entered Parliament, when you defied the directions of the ‘telephone’ Party and, instead of opposing the 20th Amendment introduced by the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps, voted to support it.

Asked about it at that time, you strongly defended what you did. You said you wanted to help Gota maama to ‘protect the nation’. Looking back at this now, isn’t it quite a co-incidence, Diana, that the 20th Amendment also allowed dual citizens, such as Basil for instance, to enter Parliament?

Since then, there has been a lot of speculation about you being a dual citizen of Britain and Paradise. Someone took the trouble to go to Courts to get to the bottom of this. That is happening tomorrow. However, what has been said since then is hard to believe. That is why there is all this fuss about you.

There are claims that you obtained a passport from Paradise without declaring that you have a British one too. You missed a trick there. For passport related matters you could have got advice from Wimal sahodaraya and Shashi. They are experts on how to have numerous passports and not go to jail.

What is alleged is that you are not a dual citizen. They claim that you are only a citizen of Britain and that you are not even a citizen of Paradise. Now, I don’t know whether these allegations are true or not, but I am surprised that you, who is quick to challenge anyone, have been silent on this matter.

If you prove them wrong, you will emerge triumphant. If you don’t and have to quit Parliament, you can still find a way to stay in the news, now that you are in Uncle Ranil’s good books. How can we do without your fiery speeches?

Even if they find fault with you, you need not worry about spending time in jail. With presidential pardons at his disposal now, Uncle Ranil can ensure that no harm will befall you.

Even if they say you erred, you can return to Parliament after giving up British citizenship. Geetha gave up her Swiss citizenship and is back. Be careful, though. Look at Gota maama. He gave up his US citizenship and couldn’t go there when he had to flee. You need that option too, don’t you Diana?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Even when you make mistakes, you are in good company, Diana. You told Parliament that Mark Antony stabbed Caesar, not Brutus. Uncle Ranil told Parliament that Angulimala conspired against the Buddha, not Devadatta. Maybe you can teach him Buddhism, and he can teach you history.