5th Column

My dear Mother Lanka,

I thought of writing to you as we end a most eventful year in our recent history, and look forward to a New Year in which we will be ‘celebrating’ 75 years of managing our own destiny after more than 400 years of rule by the Portuguese, Dutch and the British. And, what a 75 years it has been!

A great way to look back at the year that just ended would be to think of who would be the ‘Man of the Year’ or ‘Woman of the Year’, a person who influenced events most in this Paradise of ours over the past 12 months. Needless to say, as with all things in Paradise, the competition will be intense.

Among them is Basil. He has such talent that he can form a new political Party, sell it to a gullible public and bring an unknown, inexperienced chap to lead the nation. He then ruins an economy, is mocked as a ‘kaputa’ but is still here, not in jail, but as a puppeteer pulling strings.

Then, for sheer audacity, it will be difficult to challenge Lady Diana. She must be a world’s first, a citizen of one country allegedly being in the Parliament of another country – and all the while, she acts as if she has done no wrong and could well take down the entire opposition with her, if she has to go.

Being a nation mad about their cricket, some will say that the ‘Men of the Year’ should be Dasun and his cricket team which brought the Asia Cup home after so many years and despite so much strife. It could have been so, until one chap, Danushka, made our cricket infamous for very different reasons.

After Basil and his able lieutenant Cabraal left our economy in ruins, someone had to step in to resurrect it. Nandalal stepped into the breach. He could well have been the Man of the Year if he was allowed to take decisions that are best for Paradise but we all know he doesn’t have the final say.

Another who didn’t have the final say was Gota maama. Elected to save the nation from terror, he didn’t even save himself from the mobs at his doorstep. He could still be Man of the Year – for his decision to leave and then resign without staying on and for not giving orders to shoot when he left.

Some say the ‘Iron Lady’ who got the ball rolling to oust Gota maama was young Hirunika and her protests. That may be true, but lately, her utterances have all been below the belt, both literally and metaphorically. That has had many people blushing, so she couldn’t possibly be Woman of the Year.

Another lady who deserves a title of her own is Thilini. The moral of her story is that, if you steal stolen goods, there won’t be any complaints. In the end, what she got is a lot of free publicity, a bouquet and a heroine’s welcome when she was released on bail – such are the laws of this Paradise.

There will be those who argue that Wasantha who is languishing in jail for spearheading protests during the ‘aragalaya’ deserves to be the Man of the Year. Others, however, say that he deserves to be in jail because it was due to his actions that Uncle Ranil is the boss now, so he must pay for that!

A late contender for the Man of the Year must be Ashu. For some time, professors in politics have not been of the highest calibre. GL and Channa are examples of this. Ashu however takes this tradition to an entirely different level, giving a new meaning to the phrase ‘politics has gone to the dogs’.

Deserving to be Men and Women of the Year are all those who supported the ‘aragalaya’. Their struggle may not have had the end result they desired, and ‘system change’ appears as elusive as ever, but politicians are now on notice and the next elections will tell us whether they made a difference.

Ultimately, there can only be one winner in the Man of the Year and that must be Uncle Ranil. He may have been decades late, and he may have got there by chance, but he stayed the course and got the top job. The next year will tell whether he deserves that title or whether he has spoilt his last chance.

Mother Lanka, whether we like it or not, we must look forward to another year with high inflation, QR codes, a lack of dollars, but no shortage of politicians telling us that all is well and we should vote for them. Or else, we can all look forward to prosperity in 2048, as Uncle Ranil has promised us!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: When Uncle Ranil suddenly became the boss in July, it was a totally unexpected outcome. People were saying, ‘maara wedey Ranilta uney’. Six months later, just last week, they were again saying ‘Maara wedey Ranilta uney’- but for entirely different reasons!