It’s a Blessing to Attend the University of Failure
View(s):Once a mother enquired from me about the reason why the younger generation gives up so easily. I explained to her that the reason behind it is that many parents have not taken their children through the proper route of life training. The track of life should be the real life itself and not the computer monitor. You cannot as well as you should not separate the younger generation from technology as the next era is certain to be digitalised in listening, learning and even buying etc. Yet, there is a fundamental reality that we all must understand. The internet cannot make you feel the pain of rejection, it will not take you through the experience of being ashamed, it cannot train you to move forward when you are cheated, it cannot give you the experience on how you need to behave when you are manipulated or lied to, further it also cannot train your mind to be with you alone without doing anything. You must understand that if you intend to become a driver there is no other way rather than driving continually. Unless you start eating spicy food at some point, you will never be able to eat them at all. Watching a YouTube video on how to eat spicy food would not train your tongue to handle spicy food. Dealing with it comes with experience. Likewise, Management comes with experience.
In order to learn how to bounce back when you fall, you must fall. Unless you fall you will not know how to get up. If you are to move forward through rejection, you must experience rejection. Listening to lectures on rejection will not present you the grit you need to move forward when you are rejected. This is the reason it is said that ‘Life has to be Played and Not Viewed’. It is the very reason why I constantly say that it is essential to attend the University of Failures in order to learn about real life.
It is sad to see how many wealthy families have spoilt their children by not exposing them to pain, rejection, hurt, manipulation, lying, cheating and other realities of life. They are trying everything possible to prevent those realities from entering in to their children’s lives.
They forget that one day their children have to face the realities of life and that there is no way out of it. These parents are like those who try to teach their children Swimming through zoom. Swimming must be learnt and mastered in the water and not in front of a screen. Similarly, life has to be learnt by living it and not by watching it.
It is only once you have gone through a relationship breakup that you will gather the strength to face it. Your friend being through a relationship breakup is not going to infuse any strength within you. Do not pressurize or unnecessarily burden your children if they fail an exam. Rather than shouting at them, encourage them to bounce back and achieve better results the next time. It is only then that they will gather the strength and learning to overcome defeat and failure.
Unless one faces a failure he would never know the areas that he needs improvement. Having a better understanding of the potential areas of failure will certainly keep us alert. Once when I made a mistake whilst I was Nature’s Secret, my Chairman Mr. Samantha Kumarasinghe said that he would consider the loss that was caused by the mistake as the tuition fee that taught me through my failure. I wish every Chairman thought like him. Even though they may be painful, ‘mistakes’ are the most effective universities in life. The world is craving for success stories. Yet, we must actually focus on the chapters of failure within those success stories. Therefore, when your children fail, do not be mad at them. Rather pat them on their back and say “Let’s do it again. I’m sure you will do better next time”. Accidents are the best driving instructors. Even though you may learn to drive under the best instructor, the training your mind receives from an accident can never be compared to any world class instructor.
One of the best treatments available for ego in this world is failure. Ego is one of the most disastrous attitudes a man can ever possess. Unless they fail to the ground, some egoistic people will never learn. Recently, I told a young man that his lifestyle would not do any good to him. He was not ready to accept my advice because of his ego. So, I decided to stop advising him as I have realised that different ailments noted different treatments. Some ailments could be cured by two basic pills, yet, some require an operation. Yesterday, the young man I mentioned earlier came to me with a lost face, as he had failed in the exact areas I had pointed out.
I asked him if he would accept now that his lifestyle was not good. Without any hesitation he admitted by saying yes. That is the reason I mentioned that failure is a good treatment for ego as well as unrealistic confidence. We must possess an unwavering confidence, yet it should be well equipped with proper self actualisation and a good understanding of the external environment.
Failure is a super remedy of overcoming fear or inferiority. Fear and inferiority are two walls that obstruct us from moving forward. One can never overcome them unless they break through them by going through them. My friend Janaka was afraid to speak English.
However, I kept on encouraging him to speak in English. Every time he made a mistake or failed, he challenged his fears to speak in English. Today, he is living a luxurious life in Australia. Speaking the best of English. He would not have been able to achieve these milestones if he had not challenged his fears. He would not have challenged his fears if he had not failed. Therefore, failure is a worthy treatment for fear.
Another valuable asset we receive for our lives from the University of Failure is that it stretches and sharpens our creativity and the capacity of our mind. I failed to complete CIM on three occasions. At every occasion I failed, it stretched me to seek much effective creative avenues so that I could further excel. I went on to achieve the Best Sri Lankan award from the CIM – UK. Every time I failed in a love affair it compelled me to take a deeper look at myself so that I can understand why I am being rejected constantly. Every failure revealed to me who I was. Every rejection raised awareness in me that I am poor in listening, loving, caring as well as my commitment towards the relationship.
Every failure enhanced my capacity of listening to people more, understanding people more, loving people more, caring for people more and finally committing more towards making others happy. Today, I lead a family life beyond happiness in supreme bliss. However, I was once a very selfish man and only my failures revealed to me that I cannot be happy with my baggage of selfishness. My failures removed my selfishness. It was certainly a great blessing in disguise. I learnt a lot from my failures hence, I am indeed happy about all my failures. Selfishness is a heavy load. Every time we think about ourselves it demands self-acceptance and whenever we do not receive it we feel condemned and rejected.
The most successful life coaches in this world are those who have failed in life miserably and bounced back astonishingly. Therefore, be happy whenever your children fail in life, it is an opportunity for them to learn more about life. The more they fail, the stronger they get. They tame their ego and overconfidence whenever they fail. Every failure makes them more creative. The capacity of their mind increases every time they fail. Their personality moulds them into a shining star every time they fail. Therefore, failure is a university that every human being must graduate from. It is one of the best places to learn, strengthen, mould, perfect and be directed.
For more information: e-mail: philipnehri.m@gmail.com /
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