A Sweet Pudding out of Bitter Gourd
View(s):Last week I met an enthusiastic youngster who said he quit his job as an internal auditor. I inquired why he had made this move and he said that this job was training his mind to constantly see the faults, issues, problems and errors. This is the exact mind set of many Sri Lankans who have tuned their minds to focus on the faults and weaknesses of others instead of focusing on self-development. Out of all the unsuccessful people I have seen in my life, I have witnessed one common mind disease in all of them. It is the blame game they play from dusk to dawn grumbling about the system, politicians, bosses, neighbours, children and other external people and factors. I do not mean to say that politicians are blameless, as I myself also consider them as pieces of garbage that should not even be looked at, yet, I am well focused on digging deep into myself intending for further growth.
Your focus must be on your life garden and not on others life gardens. The moment you distract yourself to seek and peep into the weeds of others life gardens you will entirely forego the cultivation of your own life garden. Life is purely a war thus we must be fully equipped with all the required armoury to fight the battle successfully. Time is one of the main resource required for generating money, destroying it by gossiping, judging, blaming, grumbling & mischaracterising others is bound to destroy one of the main ingredients of succeeding. Every time you invest on the blame game you are burning out the time which you could utilise on developing yourself.
A father could feed his family somehow or the other if he keep his focus strongly on correcting his failures and working untiringly on the available resource instead of blaming the 225 in the parliament and justifying his failures. Based on my qualifications and abilities I can easily work in many other foreign countries but I have decided to live my life in this beautiful island as I see many hidden opportunities that could be tapped on if we really focus on the opportunity rather than blaming the system and the leaders who have led us in to this disastrous situation for the past seventy years.
Those who blame others are naturally defensive and enclosed characters. You must understand that correction will not take place if you have shut yourself up. The doctor has to cut open the patient in order to do the required operation. When you are closed due to your blaming nature, you are shutting yourself to correction, direction and opportunities. I was a heavily tangled ball of thread who was clueless on how to untangle myself. Yet, one blessed day I decided that it was high time that I take a deep dive into myself instead of diving in to the lives of others as well as to set a stop to allowing the garbage of my history to justify my failures and my stubbornness so that I could transform into a better person in the future.
Once you are addicted to the blame game it produces bitterness about the system and the people that you think are to be blamed for your stagnation and suffering. You cannot produce a sweet pudding by using bitter gourd. If you want to produce a sweet pudding you ought to use sweet ingredients. Blaming is sure to produce bitterness which will never assist you in seeing and enjoying life through a positive perspective. If you were to wear crystal clear lenses you will coherently see the world but if you decide to wear a pair of black lenses, all what you will see is a jet black world. Blaming creates a black and negative perspective around your eyes and all you will witness is negativity coated with bitterness.
Blaming sucks up your entire energy which you could invest on self-development, which will help in creating a strong relationship with the world. The blame game never moulds you to take ownership of your own actions, it rather converts you into a negative personality who will always see only a black world instead of a beautiful one. Even at the time we could not afford much, my wife used to be thankful and happily enjoy eating only rice with an onion sambol. It is all about focusing on what you have got instead of focusing on what you do not have.
Please diagnose yourself, observe if you have any of these symptoms that a blaming mind set carries. The number one attitude that people with a blaming mind set carry is always pointing their finger on others saying that “he was supposed to give me the data today but he didn’t and that’s why I couldn’t complete the presentation” or “I failed because my parents didn’t focus on me” or “my boss is really arrogant and it’s difficult to perform”. I was a blaming machine, pointing fingers on my mother, society and people who left me due to my own failures. Yet, I saw how even orphans live prosperous lives. The reason is no one else but you. Majority of the successful people were born poor but died rich. The blame game kills your commitment and nurtures excuses. Another symptom of blaming is denial where you refuse to take the responsibility of your own actions. Once you have contracted the blaming disease you tend to crossover the track of life and exclude yourself from the communities. I am very selective in my associations as I do not have the time to waste with unproductive people. Yet, excluding yourself from productive communities will certainly hinder your growth. Get over the blaming game today and take ownership of your growth. Train your mind to be empathetic so that you could understand the story of the other party as well. In conclusion, focus on “what needs to be done” instead of “who needs to be blamed”. This shift in your thought pattern will absolutely change your life forever.
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