5th Column

My dear Mahinda maama, Gota maama and Basil maama,

I thought I must write to you this week to congratulate you on your great achievement in finally being granted official recognition–by the highest court of the land, no less. They declared that it was you–and a few of your cronies like Cabraal and PB–who led us to where we are today, a bankrupt nation.

If you are wondering why I am congratulating you, why shouldn’t I? You brought about the country’s biggest economic crisis, causing millions of people to lead a hand-to-mouth existence. Yet, you get off after paying a mere 150,000 rupees to those who petitioned you–with no other consequences at all.

The general public is confused about this. They are told you are responsible for the mess they are in, but there is no punishment for what you did.  Still, the learned lords in Hulftsdorp have said those who challenged you in court didn’t ask for compensation and that is why they can’t make on order for that.

Remember how Satellite was ordered by the same court to pay three million rupees as compensation in the Waters’ Edge case? Then, poor Aiyo Sirisena was ordered to pay 100 million rupees as compensation in the Easter attacks case? That is why you should consider yourselves very, very lucky.

Mahinda maama, you have told us that times are hard even for you, so you may not be able to pay even this 150,000 rupees. Isn’t Namal baby still squabbling about that electricity bill that he has to pay? Tell you what, for this penalty too, ask Sanath, that chap from Puttalam- and he will pay up.

Mahinda maama, I do worry about you. After this verdict, someone asked about it. You said that, as a lawyer, you respected it. A few hours later, the same question was asked again and you said you didn’t accept it. You have to be sharper than that- after all, you are a dozen years younger than Sampanthan!

I am not sure whether you can recall because it was so long ago but there was this SB chap who said that he won’t accept the verdict of the same court. Your friend Sarath was livid. He put him behind bars. You had to pardon him then. Now we don’t want that happening to you at your age, do we?

What puzzles me a bit, Mahinda maama, Gota maama and Basil maama is that, all this while many of your ‘pohottuwa’ chaps–SB, Prasanna, Mahindananda and Sagara–have been telling us that it was the ‘aragalaya’ that caused the economic crisis and not vice-versa. I wonder what they will say now?

Thankfully, your ‘pohottuwa’ chaps have an explanation for everything. After the verdict, Professor Bandara who ‘COPE’s with anything said that the Rajapaksa brothers have been found fault with and are being victimised for trying to help people by providing relief to the people through their policies.

This professor is a worthy successor to GL. He even tries to speak like him. It’s a pity he wasn’t in the courtroom when the verdict was given. He could have used hand signals, got his son to be present too or even entered into a contract like he did with Shammi’s Limited Company, SLC.

Speaking of Shammi, Mahinda maama, Gota maama and Basil maama, I think you missed a trick there. Instead of hiring top notch lawyers like Marapana to defend yourselves, you could have had a quiet word with Shammi and he would have arranged for everything to be sorted out without a fuss.

Just look at what we have found out in the last few days: Shammi is such a smooth operator that he is alleged to have offered little jobs to Deshabandu in the Police and COPE Bandara in Parliament, employs the nephew of Karu to whom his appeals are referred to and is even on ‘machan’ terms with Jay Shah!

Anyway, what has happened is now in the past and you know as well as we all do that people in Paradise have such short memories that this verdict wouldn’t matter. Mahinda maama, remember how they booted you out eight years ago but wanted both you and Gota maama back just four years later?

What really matters is that Namal baby has been spared in this verdict. That means that all will be forgiven and forgotten and in a few years from now, he can try to hoodwink us all over again. As they voted for Gota maama to save the country from ‘terrorism’, they will vote for him to save ‘cricket’!

I am almost certain that Cabraal will write another book and try to make a quick buck of this verdict too. As for the rest of us, what else can we do except sit in front of our televisions tonight and watch two of our bitter rivals fight for the World Cup while we can only hark back to the glory of ’96?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS - There is another lesson in this verdict though. Now, our last four past Presidents have all been found guilty by the highest court after they left office and had their reputations tarnished. I hope Uncle Ranil doesn’t want to continue the tradition. After all, he did also postpone an election, remember?