5th Column

My dear Satellite,

I am writing to you after a long time. That is because you have suddenly become a talking point in political circles once more. It is almost 20 years since you left office and you should be well and truly enjoying your retirement, paid for by our long-suffering taxpayers. Still, here you go again!

First, we heard you are trying to resurrect the party that swept you into power 30 years ago, ending 17 years of Green rule. That was the ‘Peoples’ Alliance’ or the ‘PA’. Its symbol was the chair. That party was later known as ‘Parakkui, Arakkui’ (or, ‘Late and Liquor’), and we wondered, why?

This story gathered momentum and some people were even being mentioned as potential presidential candidates endorsed by you. Then, you tell us that you have not decided to take on the leadership of that party. Nor have you decided to support any particular candidate just yet, you have said.

That made me wonder, who exactly were you thinking of supporting? Come to think of it, your options are pretty limited because you seem to have worked with almost all of them at some time or other – and the results haven’t been very impressive. So, would you support one of them again?

I didn’t think you will support the ‘pohottuwa’. It is ‘R’ family’s brand name. They are doing what your ‘B’ family did with the Blue party for 50 years. They don’t want anyone without the ‘R’ name leading it. They will wait until that brat Namal is old enough to grow a moustache like his father’s.

There is little love lost between you and the ‘R’ clan. Your first choice for PM was the late Lucky K but you had to appoint Mahinda maama. When he first ran for the top job, you were hardly seen in his campaign. You never forgave him for ruining the party your father founded and your mother nurtured.

Besides, I don’t think the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps themselves know who is contesting on their behalf. Some of them are with Basil, Basil is promoting Dhammika as a dummy candidate, some want Namal to contest, but those such as Prasanna are saying their best bet is to give Uncle Ranil another 5 years!

I am not sure whether Uncle Ranil himself knows whether he is coming or going. He says he has to save the economy first, but then, he also says that might take us to 2048. Besides, whenever he feels he can’t win, he got someone else to run on his behalf, be it the Field Marshall, Aiyo Sirisena or Sajith.

Even if Uncle Ranil contested, you wouldn’t want to support him. You didn’t get along well when you governed together 20 years ago. Even when you co-operated with him to bring in Aiyo Sirisena as a candidate, it was based on the principle that your enemy’s (Mahinda maama’s) enemy is your friend.

Then, of course, there is Aiyo Sirisena. There are many deeds people blame you for during your 11 year stint at the top, Satellite, but if they were to pick your biggest blunder, most people would say it was imposing this chap on the nation a decade after you left office. Ah, what a disaster that was.

Of late, many Presidents have been found fault with for what they did while they were in office. You were fined 2 million rupees in the Waters’ Edge case. Mahinda maama was blamed for ruining the economy, as was Gota maama who also had a presidential pardon he granted to Duminda overturned.

Yet, all of you are nowhere in comparison to Aiyo Sirisena. He was slapped on the wrist while still in office for dissolving Parliament unconstitutionally. He was fined 100 million rupees for negligence during the Easter attacks. A pardon he granted is now also under scrutiny. So, why support him now?

Despite all this, the story that caught the attention of most people was that you were willing to give PCR a chance – and I’m not talking about testing for Covid either. That took us by surprise because, Satellite, no matter what people accused you of, you could never be accused of being a racist.

If you recall the origins of PCR, that was with a party that based itself on race and religion and got a host of Buddhist monks elected for the first time, of which the only surviving member is Athana Methana Rathana. PCR maybe a smart option, but the communal sentiments must be disowned first.

So, I agree when you say you don’t want to endorse anyone for the big race yet. Still, why is it that all Blue leaders want to interfere in politics after leaving the top job? The two Greens who retired, JR and DB kept well out of the limelight. Can’t you, Mahinda maama and Aiyo Sirisena do the same, please?

PS: I thought you wouldn’t support the chap who bears your brother’s name, and that the reason why you are rallying the troops is to prevent him from winning. Nothing is impossible, though, is it? You did give him a ministerial post even when his party was accused of murdering Vijaya, remember?