5th Column

My dear Gota maama,

I thought of writing to you after you took us by surprise by launching a book last week. This project of yours appears to have been a well-kept secret because even your family members didn’t know about it. If that was a tactic to sell the book, it seems to have worked because I heard it had sold out!

You shouldn’t be naïve enough to think it will be a ‘good’ book because the first print run sold out so soon. Many bought it out of sheer curiosity. Some would have done so to find out ‘what has he said about me?’ To boost sales, did you ask your family to buy copies too? I heard Namal also bought one.

You are now our first President to resign and also the first to write a book. The book Janaadhipathi thaaththa (My father, the President), though similar, shouldn’t count. It wasn’t written by Aiyo Sirisena but his daughter. Some say it’s a close fight both for the worst presidency and the worst book!

Gota maama, I wondered whether you were too honest in your book. For instance, you start off by saying that the only reason why you chose to contest was because Mahinda maama and Basil maama were both not eligible to run for the top job. Are you admitting that you were the least suited?

A question that baffles many people is your title which suggests a ‘conspiracy’ to oust you from the Presidency. The book’s cover claims an ‘internationally sponsored regime change made a mockery of democracy in Sri Lanka’. However, you don’t name the conspirators. It was also you who resigned.

Of course, there were events that led to your resignation. The hardships caused by the queues for fuel and gas and long power cuts brought people to the streets. That was the result of your government’s follies. The Supreme Court said so. So, are you saying your government was a part of the conspiracy?

The other reason for your resignation was your inability to manage the situation. You complain that no one cared to control the crowds gathering at your Mirihana home, nor did they have roadblocks to stop the masses converging on Colombo on July 9. Weren’t you the Commander-in-Chief then?

You whinge about how you told the top brass of the Mirihana protest and only Salley showed up, while Shavendra and Kamal enjoyed themselves at a wedding. Who appointed them, Gota maama? Shavendra was your ‘kokatath thailiya’ or panacea for all ills, and Kamal wrote books about you!

You also say that Shavendra and Kamal didn’t see eye-to-eye on many issues, and that may have contributed. If you saw that, it was certainly within your power to make the necessary adjustments but you didn’t. Then to turn around and say it was all a ‘conspiracy’ is a bit rich, don’t you think?

It is quite ironical that you, a novice to politics who was marketed as the man to save the nation from the threat of terrorism, couldn’t save yourself from the protestors at your gates, or from your own Army Commander and Defence Secretary!

That is called ‘incompetence’, not ‘conspiracy’.

Reading your book, it seems you haven’t realised that even now. That is disappointing. Equally disappointing are your repeated references to being elected by ‘Sinhalese Buddhists’ and being ‘ousted’ only because of that. Obviously, some people never learn.

The book hasn’t had any rave reviews. Instead, its accuracy is questioned. Udaya says he didn’t ‘leave’ the government as you claim, he and Wimal were sacked. Wimal calls you a coward for not naming the conspirators. Cousin Udayanga is critical. Basil maama maintains a deafening silence.

So, the book hasn’t helped you. In fact, you may have lost the few friends you still have because, by releasing the book now, you are not doing the ‘pohottuwa’ or the ‘R’ family any favours. Is that your own conspiracy to get back at them, Gota maama, for asking you to do a job you couldn’t handle?

The only redeeming feature both in the book and in your term of office is that, when public anger erupted, you didn’t want to stay at the cost of a single life. Despite all your faults, we are grateful for that. Many in your position wouldn’t have done that.

Looking on the bright side, the book sold out its first print run. An unauthorised ‘soft’ copy is also circulating. You might need that little bit of extra income soon, especially if a future government decides to cease payments to ex-Presidents, of which we have four. Who knows, it may become five soon!

Your book is just like your Presidency, Gota maama: It appeared out of the blue, people may have had great expectations about it, but halfway through, everyone realised it is much ado about nothing. I hope you don’t decide to make a movie out of it, because it will be classed in the comedy category!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: When this book makes its way to our libraries, Gota maama, where do you think it should be? You will want it in the ‘biography’ or ‘history’ section, some say it belongs in the ‘fairy tales’ or ‘fiction’ category, but I feel it will eventually end up in the section for ‘horror stories’!