5th Column

My dear Wimal and Udaya,

I thought I will write to you together, after seeing you launch yet another political alliance last week. After all, you have always been seen and heard together, like Bhathiya and Santhush, Mahela and Sanga or even Harin and Manusha. I am not sure who among you are the better entertainers.

You launched an outfit called the ‘Sarva Jana Balaya’ at Nugegoda, claiming you are the rightful heirs of the so-called ‘69 lakhs’. I am not sure whether you are aware, Wimal and Udaya, but it is difficult to even find people who identify themselves as having being among those ‘69 lakhs’ now.

Your performance was reminiscent of how you launched ‘Mahinda sulanga’ from the same venue a few years ago when Aiyo Sirisena was in office. That was successful in getting Mahinda maama back in the Prime Minister’s seat some years later. Since then, we have been living unhappily ever after.

In the same manner that you got down Mahinda maama, who was clinging on to a windowsill at Carlton in Tangalle, to Nugegoda, you are now promoting Dilith, whose only talent seems to be walking into wayside boutiques and eating ‘roti’ – with a camera recording his every bite.

Still, there is a big difference between the two of them. Mahinda maama, whatever his faults, is a leader who made politics his business for decades. He will go down in history as the person who ended the war – even if that reputation has been tarnished since he began to make business his politics.

The chap you are trying to market to the voter now, on the other hand, was good at advertising and marketing other peoples’ products, just as he managed to market not only Mahinda maama but also his brother at the last election – but he doesn’t seem to be very good at selling himself to voters.

This chap took advertising to a different level – a very low one at that – at the last election, telling us that a snake emerged from the Kelani River, making a big noise to herald the arrival of a new leader. As people flocked to the temple to see the snake in a polythene bag, they were given a ‘pohottuwa’!

The rest, as they say, is history. We are where we are today thanks to this chap and all of you, too, who joined the bandwagon to bring Gota maama to the top. With all those memories, Wimal and Udaya, do you really think that you can fool most of the people for a second time?

Wimal, looking back, you must be a sad man. At one time, you were the most popular sahodaraya among the rathu sahodarayas. Then, Mahinda maama lured you to his camp. Have you felt  that, if you were still with the rathu sahodarayas, you – and not Anura Kumara – would be their candidate?

Looking around those who gathered around both of you the other day, there were some interesting people. We saw Sarath who once sat on the highest bench at Hulftsdorp. The former lady Governor from the East was there too. It felt as if only Athana Methana Rathana was missing all the action.

Apart from both of you, the only other former minister around was Penisumana. Being a Professor of Pharmacology, he didn’t utter a word about the efficacy of ‘Dhammika Peni’ for Covid, or rather, the lack of it. As a researcher maybe he waited for real evidence – which came when Pavithra got Covid!

We saw Penisumana’s true colours after his spat with Dr Shafi. He accused the doctor of sterilising Sinhalese women forcibly though this is not medically possible. As Acting Health Minister, he ordered top cop Shani back to prison a day after bypass surgery after Shani’s work exposed his false claims.

Wimal, there is video footage of you endorsing Penisumana’s claims of a campaign to reduce the Sinhalese population and inciting racial hatred. Isn’t it funny that Natasha was charged under the ICCPR for saying Prince Siddhartha is King Suddhodana’s boy, but you and Penisumana roam free!

So, Wimal and Udaya, this is the motley crew you have put together. You are promising us that, if elected you will usher in peace and prosperity. If that happens, going by your track record, we will be in for a bumpy ride, complete with international conspiracies, fasts unto death and ethnic cleansing.

Coalitions are mushrooming all over as those in the current Parliament try to ensure they are in the next one as well. Let’s be honest, having ditched the ‘R’ clan, whose ‘saatakaya’ you clung on to all these years and unable to join Uncle Ranil this is your desperate move to stay in the limelight, isn’t it?

In the spirit of democracy, we wish you well. The people will have their say soon. Last time, they made the mistake of thinking that someone who keeps Colombo clean can run the country. Let us wait and see whether they think someone who eats ‘roti’ from wayside boutiques can do the same.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Your party is named ‘Sarva Jana Balaya’. Its abbreviation is ‘SJB’ or ‘Sajaba’ which is the same as the ‘telephone’ party. Are you hoping people will vote for you thinking they are voting for them? Even so, you may not get that many votes. What is your symbol – is it the ‘nayaa’ or the ‘pol roti’?