5th Column

My dear Uncle Ranil,

I thought I must write to you after hearing your ‘aaranchiya subayi’ (or ‘the news is good’). What you said has certainly provoked comment. If one goes by the theory that any publicity is better than no publicity, you got plenty of it, although some of it was not the type of exposure you hoped for.

I’m not sure why you thought of calling it ‘suba aaranchiya’ because that is what they also call the Gospel. So, what you delivered could be called ‘The Gospel according to Ranil’. I’m glad they didn’t call it that because, considering what happened to Natasha, you could be charged under the ICCPR!

Some say the inspiration for the launch of your campaign (for that is what it was, wasn’t it?) came from Preme (Snr)’s ‘Me Kawda, Mokada Karanne?’ posters when he began his bid for the Presidency many decades ago. It is ironic that the same concept is being used against his son, isn’t it?

You looked very distinguished, standing in front of so many books which looked like stacks of legal volumes. Is it from those that you got all those ideas to postpone elections, pass legislation without including amendments suggested by courts and appointing IGPs without the required approvals?

Still, there were issues I was puzzled about, Uncle Ranil. Prior to your address, Ravi who is famous for bonds of the big bank let the cat out of the bag, telling us what it was about. Not to be outdone, Bandula, who once claimed it was he who first exposed the bond scam, did much the same.

I thought the idea of a massive publicity campaign spending millions placing advertisements on every newspaper and website about a ‘suba aaranchiya’ was to keep everyone in suspense. Then, you make your grand appearance and reveal what the secret was. If that was the plan, it didn’t work that way.

People are also confused as to what the real ‘good news’ is. From what we heard, it was that a few countries and agencies had given us more time to pay off our loans, some till 2028 and others till 2043. Well, from what you had told us already, most of us thought we had time until 2048 anyway.

I am not quite sure whether that is enough reason to celebrate with lighting crackers and eating ‘kiribath’, especially when a significant proportion of our population are still struggling to have three meals a day. Most of them certainly don’t have money to burn, lighting firecrackers for your speech.

In your ‘suba aaranchiya’ you also recall the ‘dire state’ the economy was in when you took over. Do you realise that those with you are now are the same people who were responsible for that ‘dire state’? So, is it with these same people that you want to present yourself to the voters at the next election?

I don’t think you wrote that speech yourself, Uncle Ranil. That is because you said that you achieved a surplus for the first time since 1977, and met IMF guidelines when previous governments failed to do so. You were in many of those previous governments, most of them as Prime Minister, weren’t you?

Your speech writer also got carried away when he said that you had “safely guided the child named Mother Sri Lanka”. Never mind old DS, that makes you the Father of the Nation, doesn’t it? So, now we have you as the Father of the Nation and Mahinda maama as our ‘Appachchi’. Aren’t we so lucky?

The day after your speech, posters sprang up everywhere saying ‘aaranchiya subayi, pohottuwen apekshakayek’ or (‘the news is good, a candidate from the ‘pohottuwa’). Are we to take that seriously, is Dhammika engaging in a flight of fancy or do you think someone is out to make some mischief?

Whatever it is, you managed to get Prasanna and Mahindananda to publicly deny that the ‘pohottuwa’ will not field a candidate of their own, but support a ‘victorious’ candidate. It would have been better if you got Basil and Namal to issue that denial – or is it that they were asked and they said they couldn’t?

We thought the big announcement this week was not about paying off our loans later but about you announcing whether you will contest the big election or not – but you chose not to utter a single word about that. Yet, with all this fuss about a ‘suba aaranchiya’ I think we now know that you will stand.

A session of the House by the Diyawanna is due next week. You will again tell us how hard it was to cross the ‘wel paalama’ (or suspension bridge). Now that the Field Marshall is (almost) with you, are you waiting for some ‘telephone’ chaps to cross-over before announcing you will run the big race?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: Sanjay, your nominee for AG, was rejected for a second time this week. It is said you wanted him there so you can place him at the top of Hulftsdorp Hill in due course. Some say that is the real ‘suba aaranchiya’ this week. It is not like you to come up with such a devious little plan, is it, Uncle Ranil?