From survivor to thriver
View(s):- Sri Lankan-born Tanya Selvaratnam, who made ripples in the US in 2018 after going public about intimate partner violence by a top public official followed by a tell-all book, talks about her mission to speak out for the underdog
By Yomal Senerath-Yapa
For activist, writer and film producer Tanya Selvaratnam, Sri Lankan-born and raised in California, walking the Pekoe Trail this May was a short cut to her motherland’s soul, trekking through green tea estates and unspoilt blue hill country, cutting across pine forest and breathtaking wild scenery, stopping by tiny kovils and streams.
Speaking out: Tanya Selvaratnam with her book and on the Pekoe Trail
Here for two months, for her beloved (maternal) grandmother Lucy Page’s first death anniversary, Tanya hit the global headlines in 2018 when, after two years of silent suffering, she went public with allegations of intimate partner violence against the then New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, whom she had started dating in 2016.
Tanya’s allegations together with those of other women led to Schneiderman resigning from his post within three hours of the report appearing in the press.
In 2020 Tanya recounted her experiences in the candid book Assume Nothing: A Story of Intimate Violence. It came out coincidentally at the same time sexual harassment allegations were being made against former NY Governor Andrew Cuomo.
“It was a challenging and at times terrifying period of my life, but I focused on doing the right thing: to come forward about the abuse I experienced so that I could protect other women and de-stigmatize the issue. I wrote Assume Nothing to help others spot, stop, and prevent intimate partner violence. I also wanted to show that one could go from being a survivor to a ‘thriver’.”
Curiously, her first book about fertility awareness had also dovetailed with a current event. The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock, debunked the myths that women can do things on their own timetables and that when they’re ready to have a child, science will make it possible for them, and that we ‘don’t need feminism anymore’.
This book came out around the time of the debate over whether women can really “have it all”. 
For Tanya, her books are just one way of speaking out for the underdog. As a film producer she has focused on trans-children, and as an activist she has spoken for women.
Though growing up in Long Beach, Southern California, her fondest formative memories are of her ancestral island including eating huge nougat sundaes at Fountain Café, playing in the rain with cousins and foraging for Enid Blytons at the old Cargills, all during happy holidays.
Tanya’s father Indran had come to America as a teenager in the ’fifties and worked multiple jobs to put himself through college and medical school. “He loved country music and lived in Nashville when he was at Vanderbilt University.”
“My parents moved to California after they got married. There was a big Sri Lankan community in Los Angeles, so weekends were full of cricket and Sri Lankan socials. My father worked very hard so he could provide for our family. My mother worked very hard taking care of our family. She would drive my brother and me more than hour each way to school. I had to get up at dawn, and from the time I was four years old, my mother would give me egg coffee (instant coffee blended with a raw egg and condensed milk). I think that’s why I don’t drink coffee as an adult. I like the taste, but I don’t need it. My blood must be partially made of coffee!”
Tanya’s grandmother Lucy Page who passed away at 99 last year she says was a ‘force of nature’.
“We used to get into all kinds of high jinks together. She would take me to the karaoke bars in the hotels. She didn’t even really sing. Her favourite song was “Over the Rainbow,” and every time I hear it I especially think of her. I miss her very much. In May, I was in Sri Lanka for her one-year death anniversary and got to spend time with my youngest aunt, who is more like my big sister.”
Tanya has done a dozen movies. “I love connecting with the subject and building trust with them, getting to know the story they want to tell, and then translating the material into a film that will reach a wide swathe of people. I appreciate being able to make visible people and issues that would otherwise be less visible.”
Her most recent films include “Love to the Max” a documentary short about the targeting of trans-kids through the story of a family in Texas and Paint Me a Road Out of Here about the interconnected journeys of the late artist Faith Ringgold and the rising star artist Mary Enoch Elizabeth Baxter.
Tanya’s next book is titled High Touch: A Quest for Transformational Intimacy, transformational intimacy being a term she coined for meaningful connections with others.
“I feel that my greatest skills are writing about difficult subjects to help other people, making movies to shine a light on other people’s stories, and producing events that build community and activate social change.”
Meanwhile, keeping fingers crossed as to “what phenomenon or major news event (her next book) will coincide with”, Tanya who now lives in Portland, Oregon is currently busy with speaking engagements promoting her two books.
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