5th Column

My dear new ‘Maco’ Rathnayake,

I am sorry to write to you at this time when you must be very busy, what with an upcoming election and an announcement about its date expected at any time. I hope you don’t mind me calling you the new ‘Maco’ though you are really the chairman of your Commission. That is the term we are used to.

When you called a press briefing this week, everyone was excited. They thought you will announce the date of the big election. As it turned out, you called the media only to tell them that you wouldn’t be making that announcement at the first available opportunity but only at the end of the month.  

‘Maco’ Rathnayake, your briefing caused confusion. You made strange statements, making us wonder what you have been doing all this time. You knew an election was around the corner, so you could have done all your calculations and decided on dates in advance but it seems you didn’t want to.

I am not sure whether you are aware, but the upcoming election is probably the most anticipated election in Paradise in decades. For perhaps the first time, there are more than two people who have a real chance of winning. That has made the contest that much more interesting and intriguing.

Such is that interest that, in the past few weeks, we had concerned citizens suddenly grabbing copies of our Constitution, combing through them clause by clause and then rushing to the highest court in the land, citing various inconsistencies they have spotted and asking for the election to be suspended.

All this was after Vajira from Galle said we should allow Uncle Ranil to run uncontested, so he could resurrect the economy and usher prosperity. Not to be outdone, Rangey from Puttalam told us there was another option to keep Uncle Ranil for an extra year by conducting a referendum instead.

In the midst of all this, Bandula tells us that there are inconsistencies in the Constitution which need to be corrected urgently and the Cabinet has decided to do so as a priority. This would, of course, mean passing a Constitutional amendment for which a referendum would be absolutely necessary.

Local government elections due last year haven’t been held yet. We were told we didn’t have enough money and even if there was money there was no election. If we spend five billion rupees now on a referendum to change ten words in the Constitution, we will again be short of money, won’t we?

With all this going on in the background, Maco Rathnayake, you must excuse the average voter if they suspect that someone is trying every trick in the book–and some that are not in it–to delay the election. That is why they looked forward to hearing from you. Oh dear, what an anti-climax that was.

What made it worse was your statement that you work strictly according to the Constitution and do not consider any other factors in deciding dates for the election but that you will avoid the ‘raahu kaaley’ or inauspicious time for the handing over of nominations because that is a cultural practice.

Since you say you are acting strictly according to the Constitution, ‘Maco’ Rathnayake, could you tell us which Article in the Constitution stipulates that you should accept nominations avoiding the ‘raahu kaaley’? Maybe someone can then go to the highest court next week and challenge that Article too?

Pardon me if I am wrong as I know little about such matters, but isn’t avoiding the ‘raahu kaaley’ a way of preventing a bad outcome? Still, regardless of whether you avoid the ‘raahu kaaley’ or not, only one candidate can have a favourable outcome. The rest will all have bad outcomes, won’t they?

You say you are avoiding the ‘raahu kaaley’ for cultural reasons. That is all well and good but would you be as accommodating if a Buddhist tells you to avoid the four ‘Poya’ days of the month and then a Muslim tells you to avoid Fridays as well? Soon, you will run out of days to accept nominations.

Being culturally attuned is great but who would you rely on to tell you what the correct ‘raahu kaaley’ is? We saw what happened to Mahinda maama who listened to Sumaney and called an election one year early. Then, remember the row between astrologers about auspicious times for this New Year?

Soon after your announcement, Basil who wanted a general election first is at your office, wanting an election. So are Vajira and Rangey, forgetting their earlier requests. Then, Justice Wijey postpones plans for a referendum. You now say the date will be revealed next week. This is all a bit odd, isn’t it?

Uncle Ranil has now issued the gazette that Justice Wijey stopped. There can be many a slip between the ‘raahu kaaley’ you are avoiding and your announcement. Meanwhile, if Parliament is dissolved and elections are postponed, ‘Maco’ Rathnayake, you may need to get your horoscope read as well!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS – This is your first election, so you should get some tips from the ‘original’ Maco, the ‘other’ Mahinda. But fear not, if your time in this job is short lived, you can get a stint in a television channel that give us our daily forecast each morning. Then you can tell us the ‘raahu kaaley’ every day!