5th Column

My dear Namal baby,

I thought I must write to you to congratulate you since you have now been chosen as the candidate of the ‘pohottuwa’ party for the big election. Those in your party now say you are the best man for the job, but we all know that in reality, you were the third option and never expected to play this role.

Let’s be honest, Namal, the original plan was to have Uncle Ranil run the race with the support of the ‘pohottuwa’ party. His chances aren’t the best but, with the support of your camp and defectors from several other parties including some ‘telephone’ chaps, it was thought he was still in with a chance.

That was what your ‘appachchi’ and your Basil baappa originally wanted and it all seemed working according to plan. Then some of your ‘pohottuwa’ chaps began hailing Uncle Ranil as their own and claiming that he and he alone could save all of us, even before your party could formally endorse him.

That got you worried. Even your Basil baappa began to have reservations. If Uncle Ranil can manage to charm your diehard ‘pohottuwa’ chaps while being appointed by your party and having only a single MP of his own, what could he possibly do if he was himself elected to office, you wondered.

You were concerned that having Uncle Ranil lead a group of ‘pohottuwa’ MPs was like having a fox in charge of the chicken coop. You feared that, at the end of five years, there would be no ‘pohottuwa’ left. After all, you have seen what he did to the Blue party: its two ‘leaders’ are both in his Cabinet!

That is when you began asking for your pound of flesh. If the ‘pohottuwa’ was to support Uncle Ranil your party needed to be rewarded, for instance, with the Prime Minister’s job. Uncle Ranil, of course, was too smart to make such promises. That only heightened your suspicions about his intentions.

So, you quietly arranged for Dhammika to be the ‘Dummy eka’. He would run on behalf of the ‘pohottuwa’ and probably be an ‘also ran’ but it would have saved you the trouble – and a lot of money too. It won’t be a blot on your political CV and you can still return as a main contender in five years.

That was the plan, wasn’t it, Namal baby? It took Uncle Ranil’s camp by surprise. At first, he must have wondered what happened and would have asked, ‘Et tu, Basil?’. However, he knows, as much as your ‘appachchi’ does, that in politics there are no permanent friends, only permanent interests.

Where you – and even Basil baappa – miscalculated was in thinking that the many minions who served your ‘appachchi’ would be forever loyal to you. Possibly sensing what was in store at the election, one by one, they made a beeline to Uncle Ranil’s camp, much like rats deserting a sinking ship.

You knew people like Prasanna and even your friend Kanchana were inching their way towards Uncle Ranil. Still, the betrayal from those such as Chandrasena in Anuradhapura, Rohitha in Kalutara and Pavithra in Ratnapura must have hurt. Only the real riff-raff like Johnny and Tissa Kutti are with you now.

Still, the greatest shock came at the last minute.  Dhammika, who was meant to be your ‘Dummy eka’ sold a dummy to you and decamped. Days ago, you told us that your job as National Organiser for the ‘pohottuwa’ was to tailor the suit for someone else. Suddenly you had to wear someone else’s suit!

Being primarily a businessman rather than a politician and not being as dumb as you expected him to be, Dhammika suddenly realised that, with most of the ‘pohottuwa’ joining Uncle Ranil, he was only fighting a lost cause and wasting his money. Therefore, he called it quits, citing ‘personal reasons’.

Maybe being a former boss of the free trade zone and having political ambitions do not go well together – remember Upali, he too suddenly vanished without a trace! So, Namal baby, you have become the ‘Chosen One’. Now that you have come forth, beware: you might actually come fourth!

Not so long ago, people accused Uncle Ranil of trying to carry you in his journey along the famous ‘wel paalama’ or suspension bridge. You tried to outsmart him by depriving him of the ‘pohottuwa’ nomination. That has boomeranged on you now and you are stranded on that bridge by yourself.

The next big election will have four main candidates. One of them is the nephew of a President. Two are sons of Presidents. The other main candidate is the son of an average citizen. The outcome of this election will tell us not only about who the best man for the job is – but also a lot about us as a nation.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: The ‘pohottuwa’ is now truly a party of the Rajapaksas for the Rajapaksas and by the Rajapaksas. For decades the Blue party was a party of the Bandaranaikes, for the Bandaranaikes and by the Bandaranaikes. Look where it is now. There is lesson in that, Namal Baby – and Anura never led the Blue party either!