5th Column

My dear Deshabandu,

I am writing to you because you are the talk of the town these days, setting unprecedented records with your ‘achievements’ as IGP. This was after you were declared a suspect in relation to an incident at a hotel in Weligama some time ago. You have now given the phrase ‘Hora-Police’ a new meaning!

You are in ‘good’ company. The whole country is on the lookout for two fugitives, you and the alleged accomplice in the Hulftsdorp murder, Sewwandi. How does it feel, Deshabandu, to be mentioned in the same sentence as an alleged accomplice to murder? Or, is that nothing new to you?

Whatever your critics say, you have a remarkable track record. When a presidential commission probed the Easter day attacks that happened six years ago, they wanted disciplinary action taken against you because you were in charge of the Katuwapitiya area, where one bomb blast occurred.

No action was taken against you. Instead, you slowly rose through the ranks of the Police, with the help of the ‘R’ family, being their loyal and faithful servant. So, when the opportunity came to attack ‘Gota Go Gama’ on May 9, you didn’t want to stop the attackers emerging from Temple Trees.

That made you a suspect in that case. You were also assaulted in the aftermath of the events of that day. Still, you remained loyal to the ‘R’ clan until the end, when Gota maama fled on July 9. That was when you were accused of allegedly trying to pocket the 17 million rupees that he left behind.

Then, you were smart enough to switch loyalties to Uncle Ranil when he took over the top job. Some say that at first, he was not quite convinced that you should head the Police Force. That may be why he kept extending CD’s term a few times. That didn’t deter you. You did your best to impress him.

Many thought Uncle Ranil would eventually realise you are not the best man for the top job but you convinced him because you knew how to win friends and influence people. Some of these friends of yours knew how to influence Uncle Ranil. So, he appointed you initially in an ‘acting’ capacity.

That was when you staged your ‘Yukthiya’ operation. You say it was aimed at eliminating drugs from Paradise. Your critics say that all you were doing was rounding up drug users and addicts and taking them into custody while the kingpins who brought drugs into the country still roamed free.

Then you had another setback. The highest court in the land ruled you had violated the fundamental rights of a person, applying ‘Siddhalepa’ for the wrong reasons in the wrong areas. Siddhalepa veda mahaththaya wanted it in every home, you wanted it in every Police station. The court was not happy!

Many thought this would end your career as a cop. Yet, you didn’t give up. By then, you had impressed Uncle Ranil so much that he would have realised your potential, what with his big election coming up. He proposed your name as the IGP to the Council that has to approve it.

There was a hurdle there too. The Council was deadlocked. Four voted for you, two voted against you and two abstained. Yapa, who has now been shown to guzzle fuel by the gallon, did some very creative arithmetic and decided the vote was ‘tied’, exercised his casting vote and confirmed you in the job.

These fundamental rights applications seem to follow you wherever you go, Deshabandu, because 9 more were lodged protesting against your appointment. The highest court in the land once again intervened and suspended you from working in the top job, until those applications were heard.

I have a feeling Uncle Ranil still held some hope for you which is why he didn’t appoint anyone else to act for you. All that changed when Anura sahodaraya took over. Yet, you couldn’t have been too unhappy because you were still getting paid, had all the perks and privileges and didn’t have to work!

That was until last week. Now, a court has declared you a suspect in a shooting incident where a policeman died. It is alleged you sent policemen to Weligama who were in turn shot at by the Weligama Police. The courts say that your decision to send those personnel there was highly irregular.

Last week, the Police offered a 1.2 million rupee reward for information leading to the arrest of that wanted lady, Sewwandi. With you still missing even after that, some say you may be waiting for a reward to be offered for finding you too, so you could then present yourself and claim that reward!

They have now placed a travel ban on you but being the resourceful person that you are, that shouldn’t worry you too much. It would be quite a disgrace if they find you before they find Sewwandi. Alas, if that happens, even the powerful friends that you have would be of no more use.

I am not sure whether you realise this, Deshabandu, but you may have set a world record. You might be the world’s first and only incumbent IGP who is a fugitive and is being hunted down by the very Police force of which, theoretically at least, you are still the head! Ah, we are a land like no other!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: I am not sure what your plans for the future are, Deshabandu, but I can give you one advice. Whatever you do, don’t accompany your colleagues to show them where you have hidden your weapons. I don’t need to tell you what happens next – after all, didn’t you write that script yourself?