Columns

Like the renowned Socrates, who gathered a vast array of thinkers to debate the issues of the day, Gotabaya Rajapaksa rounded up his Viyathmagarians with great aplomb, thinking he could show brother Mahinda, a small-time lawyer, his governance skills.

That was not all Gota, as he was called in his brief stay in the president’s house, hoped to achieve, stamping his political legacy in the shape of Napoleon Bonaparte. He never intended or even thought that a riff-raff, ragtag collection of one-time rebels who took him on later would play the same game when the ripening jackfruit was ready for plucking.

NPP leader Anura Kumara Dissanayake crisscrossed the globe from West to East and East to the Middle East, where the Arab big-timers stacked their oily ash, their money and gold, before dumping it on some old imperial palace or mansion.

But that is not the crux of the story. From stories circulating in London and other capitals, the NPP leader did well on the tour de politique, which actually is at the heart of the story. Such was the success as told by his friends and foes alike; they made quite a collection that they would already be armed for the next encounter, be it fought on the plains of Velvettiturai or the banks of the Mahaweli.

Be it remembered that Gota R is not very welcome in some western nations, as some recently named are on the shores of some chaps who are said to have exceeded their human rights as well as their inhuman rights, as the
great defenders of animal and human rights in Westminster would make the world
understand.

This is hardly the time to dig into the imperial and colonial history of our former masters, who gave us democracy on a Dankotuwa platter before the Japanese could come with their own—I mean democracy, not ceramic ware—those independence riders were telling those Westminster Wallahs all about playing cricket and a few tricks from our own books.

No, that is not what we are after. We refer to the shady politics being practised against the other two-legged or four-legged ones—in the name of saving the human race. Ignoring piles and piles of scientific evidence unearthed by our masterminds, which they seem to have discovered, proves decisively that man descended from monkeys. The newest attempt, if not the third, is to try and sharply separate them from us.

It was not too long ago when an agriculture minister from a previous regime who had been glancing too often at his mirror each morning thought that the connection between man and monkey was getting too close for comfort.

So Minister Amaraweera created a myth of his own. He made use of the media to spread the story that monkeys are hardly our brothers and sisters, and such disgraceful efforts to denigrate a 2500-year-old civilisation in public should be whipped.

As Groucho Marx once said he would horsewhip such a man—if he had a horse. It just shows how people would try to dodge their civic duties merely to join hands with those in power and make some quick money that would end up very quickly in an offshore account, which some of our brethren and dear sisters used to hide under their pillows, like some used to bury their bags of precious gems.

If Gota really thought that his collection of thinkers that he welcomed to aid the government with their unbeatable inventions would make the world go round, not to mention some MIG fighters or Airbus specials courtesy of that crook who did the Airbus deal, he sure got it wrong.

Before the presidential and parliament elections, the NPP leaders, addressing campaign meetings, made a great show of how they had talked, discussed and invited these professionals from a wide cross-section of organisations to pitch in their ideas so that Sri Lanka will be like no others.

A number of animals—never mind how many legs—turned up on the Ides of March and had a word or two with public servants and property owners and spilt all their troubles.

So it was not long before we heard of the 5-minute morning trick when the government will invite worthy citizens to wake up earlier than usual and have a pow-wow with some in the animal kingdom, particularly those who have been pilfering human food or destroying their crops.

Personally I am not averse to having a chat now and then if I don’t have to get out of bed too early—it is from my way of thinking, as some of my Peradeniya gurus would swear to. But that is neither here nor there.

How this experiment in a dialogue with the deaf turned out is what matters, especially if it goes the way Gota’s fertiliser went or the State reserves hit rock bottom. Whether there were early signs that the Deputy Minister of Agriculture thought of the idea or pumped it into him like some sort of doctor did, I would not know.

All I can say at this moment is that an island is going to pop up some time soon, which will require entry visas and health clearance certificates. Some of these monkeys who had been hanging around the BIA were thoroughly amused by how Minister Tiran Alles’s visa scheme was prospering—yes, prospering. They must surely be waiting for Alles and his compatriots to visit the exclusive island for the monkeys.

Be assured; it is not only elephants that have long memories, and they sure be these 50-star arrivals with much enthusiasm.

But I do have one question. Are the inhabitants of Diyawanna Oya going to be moved into Monkey Land,
and if so, who is going to be the new residents of
Diyawanna Oya?

But what is going to turn into a churner is that the Lord Monkey of Monkey Island is expecting to file action against violation of fundamental rights, especially violating their freedom of movement and right to throw coconuts
at politicians.