Is it really worth spending at least a couple of lakhs and sometimes even falling into debt to have a grand wedding?
June and July have come to be known as the "Wedding Months", when young couples pledge to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. Many months are spent in advance planning for that special day. However, unlike many years ago when weddings were held in the homes with all the friends and relatives rallying round to help, today, almost all weddings are held in hotels, particularly the five-star ones' at a considerable cost.
Is it really worth spending at least a couple of lakhs and sometimes even falling into debt to have a grand wedding? Why do people spend so much just for a few hours by hiring the best hair-dresser, hotel, florist etc.? Is all that pomp and grandeur rally necessary to make that day a special one?
As two parents said, "Our daughter is the only girl in the family. She has worked very hard and brought our family a lot of credit, and we therefore wanted to give her a wedding she will always remember. We had a church ceremony followed by a reception at a five-star hotel that was attended by over 700 guests. The menu cost Rs. 1,000 per head and we also spent a considerable amount in having the best hair-dresser, florist etc., and we also hired one of the leading bands. We went to India and bought the bridal saree, bridesmaid's sarees and the wedding trousseau. It is indeed a lot of money, but since our daughter is last in the family to get married we felt that it was worth it. It is much easier to have it in a hotel as they do everything. Also if we had it at home all the relatives would have tried to interfere and this may have led to misunderstanding and even unpleasantness in some instances!"
The reason for having a grand wedding is prestige or keeping up with the Joneses, in most cases, while in other cases elaborate plans are made in order to "compete" with someone who got married recently at a five-star hotel. Meanwhile some of the other people The Sunday Times spoke to said that a wedding is not "complete" without a "five-star" reception.
Anjali Abeywardene who got married in May said that in Sri Lanka it is necessary to have a reception at a hotel to avoid criticism. For instance in my case some people said "Being the only child, why didn't they have her wedding at the Hilton?"
Shivani and Chaminda who got married recently had a simple wedding and Shivani said that it is this sense of closeness or having a 'gathering' that makes the wedding more unique and beautiful.
"I am not for grand weddings, where you invite thousands of people and have food and drinks flowing. It then becomes a form of entertainment. People will come and enjoy the wedding, but how sure are you that they will be there for you when you need them?
I feel that it is much more practical to save that money. The real challenge is after marriage when you have to make a relationship work. I know of people who have had tamashas, but the marriages have gone on the rocks. I don't believe in having a grand wedding just to keep up with the Joneses".
Prasantha and Sneha, who got married recently had similar views. They had only a church ceremony for their wedding followed by a home-coming. Prasantha said that today having grand wedding as a means of prestige and the parents also feel that it is in a sense an ideal "finale" for their children. However, it depends on the individual and if they have the money it is okay. Sneha felt it is much more practical to use the money spent on a reception towards building a house.
However, many of the people we spoke to did not have similar views. As one parent put it, "A wedding is something that occurs once in a life-time and therefore it is important to have it at a hotel as families tend to be large and it is not possible to accommodate them at home. It is also important that they are all invited as otherwise some of them will misunderstand."
The cost of having a wedding at a five-star hotel is as generally follows:
(1) The menus at most five-star hotels for short-eats and buffet ranges from Rs. 300-400 and Rs. 400-1,500 per person or more respectively, depending on the hotel.
(2) Hymn sheets, invitations & printing (for 500 guests) Rs. 6,000.
(3) Hair-dresser average cost: Rs.10,000.
(4) Photographs - Rs. 10,000-Rs. 18,000.
(5) Bridal saree Rs. 1,500-20,000.
(6) Suit for the groom - Rs. 7,000 upwards.
(7) Wedding rings between Rs. 3,500 - Rs. 50,000.
(8) Florist - Rs. 8,000 upwards. (bouquet, poruwa settee etc.,)
Total cost (approximately) of having a wedding with 500 guests (Rs. 1,500 per head) - Rs. 850,000.
Rohan and Sonali who are getting married in August, both devout Christians said that to them, being able to become man and wife in God's presence is the most important thing and therefore the marriage ceremony itself is more important to them than a grand reception. "We want to have just a small gathering of people whom we are close to, as otherwise some will come merely to criticize."
"It is crime to spend so much for just a few hours especially in a country like ours where there is so much of poverty and some can barely afford to have a decent meal a day. It is much wiser to save that money for a rainy day", they said.
Whatever the reasons may be for having an elaborate wedding it must be remembered that marriage is a sacred bond between man and woman and is therefore something very unique. The most important thing on the wedding day is the marriage ceremony itself and this should not be overshadowed by grandeur merely to keep up with the Joneses or due to "social prestige" as one bride-to-be pointed out.
Tragedy strikes a young family at unprotected railway crossing at Ragama.
An unprotected railway crossing at Ragama, just a few feet away from the Ragama Railway Station was the scene of a bizarre accident, last week, where four people were killed and six others injured when a van collided with an oncoming train.
The accident took place on Friday evening when a family was returning to their home accompanied by relatives on holiday from Oman.
On Friday afternoon Trevon Garath along with his wife and two young sons, left their Ragama home to Nugegoda to pick up Trevon's sister and her family who were on holiday here. It had been a happy reunion after 1 1/2 years, and the plan was that they would return to Ragama to spend a few days together.
On the way back home the crowd had been in a very jovial mood with the little ones having fun with their cousins. Trevon in particular had been excited about his sister's visit, as he was planning a get together for her wedding anniversary the following day. But only a few yards away from their home the tragedy took place killing Trevon's wife Debbie, 26, his six months old son Shannon, his four year old son, Mike and his brother-in-law.
Trevon's sister Cheril devastated by the tragedy spoke of the nightmare and how helpless and trapped they felt seeing the train heading straight at them.
"There was hardly any time for us to do anything. One minute we were all joking and chatting and then all of a sudden we were confronted with the train. The only thing I remember is that we all screamed and then everything was dark," she said.
"My son received head injuries and also my husband was bruised. But the worst was my brother. His collar bone and his eye was injured. It's a miracle that we survived," she added.
There is no gate at the crossing and to make matters worse, it is situated just next to a bend, where overgrown thick shrubs cover the view. "There was no sign that the train was approaching. It was only when it came face to face with the van that the driver tooted the horn, which was of course too late. Isn't it the responsibility of the railway authority to protect the crossing and also to clean the overgrown shrubs," queried Cherill's husband, Adrian on the day after the accident, however, part of the undergrowth had been cleared.
According to Adrian their driver is not to blame. "He did drive very fast but was not reckless. The fault lies with the railway authorities for not taking proper precautions, specially since this is a highly residential area. So many vehicles go past the track. Will someone else face the same tragedy? What's more, some of Trevon's friends who came for the funeral had missed the train by about 15 seconds. It's high time something was done," he added.
It was the same plea from Trevon. "I would be able to accept the death of my wife and children, if they were suffering from some sickness, but why should they pay for someone else's carelessness? They were so innocent, and it is so unfair that I had to sacrifice my family for someone's irresponsibility," added Trevon.
Trevon and Debbie had married in 1986. They had lived in Oman for a few years and then settled down in Sri Lanka.
Trevon's family who are in Australia hearing of the tragedy came down to Sri Lanka for the funeral. They were determined to take Trevon back with them. "The only family I had in Sri Lanka was taken away from me so cruelly. There is no one for me here, so I might as well be in Australia with the only family I am left with," he said.
The family had also undergone an ordeal when it came to getting treatment at the Ragama hospital. "My son who received head injuries was admitted to the Ragama hospital, but they said that they don't have the medicine and he was transferred to Colombo. Here too he was kept on the stretcher for eight hours unattended. My brother-in-law is said to have a broken collar bone, but no plaster was put on him and even the sling had to be bought by us. The medical system in Sri Lanka has gone to the dogs," commented Adrian. Trevon, too, despite the double agony of losing his family and suffering injury had been treated callously, he says.
This tragedy is a grim reminder to the public and the railway authorities of the danger of unprotected crossings. One can only hope it will prompt some action.
Continue to Plus page 3 - Fortune smiles, then tragedy strikes * WINning back a shattered family
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