Here in the United States there are comprehensive Federal and State laws to punish offenders even within the institution of marriage. Even then, in a society where there is a relatively higher level of public awareness, there are many cases of domestic abuse, incest, rape and other incidents of violence which go unreported until and unless the media raises an issue.
Quite often, male adults take out their sexual and other frustrations by verbally and physically abusing their wives, and children. Quite often the victims are abused by alcohol and drug dependent male adults of their households. People in some developing countries tend to ignore these social problems. The victims often choose not to raise their concerns in public and suffer in silence, lest they be chastised for breaking cultural taboos and social constraints on the role of women. Such attitudes are unacceptable. We as a society pretend these serious social problems don't exist. Women sadly, may have been conditioned to accept verbal and physical abuse at the hands of their husbands because of existing social and cultural values.
Rape is a violent crime and must be viewed as such even within the context of marriage. Husbands have no right to rape their wives. Punishment against rape, and other forms of domestic physical abuse and incest must be severe and serve as a deterrent. Strong mandatory minimum sentencing statues, will deter prejudiced judges from letting offenders get off with light sentences. Quite often, cases of violence against women end up with the woman being on trial and having to undergo humiliation and being forced to believe that she somehow "deserved" getting assaulted, raped or abused.
There are results of insidious contradictory social standards governing gender interactions in Sri Lanka. For example, why do most men demand and expect their wives to be virgin when they marry? Why don't we have the same standard for men? Isn't it healthy that we do that in the age of AIDS? Isn't it prudent that we at least have mandatory testing for sexually transmitted diseases before men get married? Why do we accept these double standards about social conduct? Society tolerates and turns a blind eye to male sexual promiscuity, yet suppresses its women from even speaking out against domestic abuse. These pseudo middle-class bourgeoisie attitudes allow us to view spousal abuse and domestic violence in somewhat of a lesser light than other crimes. No wife, husband, girlfriend or child "deserves" to be verbally abused, beaten or molested. There are far more amicable ways of settling differences of opinion within a family. Violence is morally reprehensible. By strengthening the existing statues, and by having mandatory sentencing guide-lines we can eliminate gender bias on the part of judges who afterall are products of our contradictory social standards.
The same can be said of sexual harassment in Sri Lanka and the perverts who prey on women using public transportation. There is a notion amongst lots of men that "jacking" as it is widely known, is acceptable behaviour in crowded buses and trains. This weird form of behaviour is perhaps unique to the Sri Lankan male species. Seldom does a woman speak out against such humiliation. Such endemic predatory sexual behaviour can be eliminated by first acknowledging that there is a indeed a widespread problem, and second through public education and tougher laws to bring the offenders to justice.
However neither laws nor education will reduce the incidents of abuse and harassment if the victims don't speak out. They should not blame themselves or be ashamed to bring child abusers, and sex offenders (even if it is a husband) to justice. It is time we realise no woman or child "deserves" to be verbally or physically abused or raped no matter what the male's perspective is, and it is time we acknowledge rape to be what it really is: the most humiliating form of violent crime which has nothing to do with love or passion.
In the long term, only a concerted public and private sector sponsored educational campaign and an improved legal framework will change modern Lankan society's treatment of its women and children. If the collective conscience does not speak out against abuse of women at work, buses or at home and abuse of its children, society loses its pretensions to be a higher order of civilization by virtue of its religious and social values.
In conclusion, it is prudent to heed the word of Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "No woman can be made to feel inferior without her consent".
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