"Traumatic" would aptly describe the ordeal the families of the 47 Prisoners of War (POWs) held by the LTTE for nearly four years, have been going through, not knowing if they will be released but always living in hope that they will see their loved ones soon.
For these families their only lifeline is the exchange of letters through the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC). Their hopes however, rose last week when the most senior captive, Commander Ajith Boyagoda, wrote a letter to the Opposition Leader Mr. Ranil Wickremesinghe requesting him to mediate for their release. This turn of events encouraged the family members and on October 8, the wives and parents of the 22 security personnel sent nine letters to the President, Opposition Leader and the Four Chiefs of the Armed Forces appealing for their release.
How do the families cope with their loss, how have their lives changed and most important how do they carry on? The biggest problem the wives have to face is coping with the children and answering the heartbreaking questions the little ones ask.
For Mrs. Chandani Boyagoda, the wife of Commander Ajith Boyagoda, the most senior captive, bringing up three sons has become difficult for the changes the boys have gone through after their father's capture are clearly visible. The boys are four, nine and eleven years old.
"The elder two have become very stubborn. They seem to be venting their feelings on me. It's very sad to see them like this. It's not their fault, but they just don't know how to handle this kind of situation. They were very close to their father, and the loss is unbearable. Their studies too have suffered compared to how they fared when Ajith was here, especially my eldest," Mrs. Boyagoda said.
But all this stubbornness the boys have is only at home. Once in school Mrs. Boyagoda adds that they are their usual selves. "All three of them demand a lot of attention. Even if a visitor comes home, I can only speak for a few minutes because they want me to be with them. It's difficult but how can we blame them. They're so innocent, and this is the way they are handling the problem," she said.
Her youngest son Lahiru was only around two when he last saw his father.
"The elder two know what exactly has happened to Ajith. They too question whether he will be released but it is Lahiru who does not know anything. We have told him that Ajith's ship has broken and they are still repairing it. This was the story he knew but after news broke that they were shifted he had listened to our conversation and now says that if the ship has been moved it means that Ajith is coming to Colombo. I just don't know what to say," Mrs. Boyagoda added.
As Lahiru was missing his father so much for his Birthday Mrs. Boyagoda had bought him a present and said that it had been sent by his father. "I bought him a toy. Once he started playing with it I noticed Ajith's picture also kept close to the toy. Lahiru said he wanted his father to see him playing with the toy. It is after this that I knew how much his father's absence affects the boy. This year too although Ajith wanted me to give him a gift, I refused as it was too much for me and I knew Lahiru couldn't go through it again", she said.
When Lance Corporal M. D. Sisira Priyanka Silva decided to join the Army his parents had objected but even after he was rejected twice, a determined Sisira had tried again and been successful. Today his mother Marynona is longing for his return.
Sisira who was on duty at the Pooneryn camp, was taken a PoW three and a half years ago. His family which depends solely on his salary has not given up hope.
"The day the Tigers attacked the Pooneryn camp I was to leave for Kataragama to perform a pooja for my son. I was about to get into the bus when my husband said the camp had been attacked. From that day we have been living in hell", said Marynona.
"We practically lived at the Army Headquarters trying to get some news but then I got to know that they don't break the news to parents, so I pretended to be an aunt. We were told we would be informed officially", she said.
It was only when Sisira had written his first letter that the family had finally known that he was alive. "He wrote that they were captured while they were sleeping, and that he had wanted to kill himself rather than surrender but had finished his bullets. He always writes saying that he is fine and promises to return home. My only plea to God is for me to see my son before I die," Marynona said.
Another soldier who was captured during the Pooneryn battle was D. E. L. Amerasinghe. The agony may be unbearable for the family but his mother says she is not going to falter and weep because she strongly believes that God will bring her son and the other captives safely home.
"It was through my faith in God that even after so many confirmed that he is dead, we got to know that he is a POW. After the attack I went to the ICRC on several occasions but they said there was no information. Finally I went to a church in Kurana and prayed for three days. On my way back something told me to go to the ICRC, and I received the first letter from my son. That made my faith stronger and since that day I am praying. I have started a prayer session until my son returns. I don't believe in going to anyone. It's only God who can bring him back", she said.
Mrs. Amerasinghe admitted that she did weep and wail when there was no news from her son. "But the message God gave me changed my life. I do weep when I read my son's letters for as a mother it is difficult to bear. From what we gathered his left foot and hand are lifeless due to gun shot injuries and it is Commander Boyagoda who helps him to bathe and eat. When reading things like this my heart cries out, the pain is too much", she said.
For the Amerasinghe's explaining to their son's children what has happened to their father has been the most difficult part. His wife had been pregnant with their second child at the time of the attack and he has never seen the child. "The eldest boy was about two years and now he is asking for his father. We have told him that the father is on duty and it is very difficult for him to come home. He even carries a picture with him to show his school friends," Mrs. Amerasinghe said.
For Mrs. Margaret Hewage her son B. Navindra Jagath's disappearence has caused immense suffering especially after bringing up three boys as a single parent. There had been times she says, when she had mistaken others for her son, due to grief.
"Our life has always been a struggle but I brought the three boys up knowing what we went through, they are very good. That's why I can't bear the pain. I was first told that my son had died in the attack, but I continued to go to the ICRC as I believed he was alive", she said.
Financially Mrs. Hewage is finding life difficult as her youngest son is preparing for his O/Level exam and they live on Navindra's salary.
Her only consolation is the letters that she receives. "He does not want me to give any details to my youngest son as he is preparing for his exam, but whenever we sit at meals we always think of him," she said.
While the family has not stopped making poojas Mrs. Hewage says that she had even sent 'pirith nooles' to the officers and chains for their spectacles. "Sending things like this brings a lot of relief to us but how much longer can we go on", she asked.
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