My Dear Satellite

I thought of writing to you to congratulate you on celebrating two years in office. I know I am a little late to do so, but I was reminded of this anniversary only when I saw the supplement in the Daily Noise with your charming picture on it. Anyway, I know you wouldn't mind being late, used to it as you are.

Satellite, we were surprised to hear that you had banned the House by the Lake from carrying stories of suicides in their newspapers, and everybody was asking why. Some even went to the extent of suggesting that you were planning to do so, but then, others pointed out that, in that case, you would want maximum coverage with a live telecast thrown in for good measure! See, Satellite, how unkind these people are!

But, we all know that people are unreasonable at times, don't we? Why, they are now blaming you, of all people for the defeats of our cricket team in Sharjah. They say that after you went about liberally distributing those Deshabandu awards, they are losing all their matches.

Of course, Satellite, we must support Arjuna and the team now, for this is their hour of need, and we can't forget in a hurry what honours they have brought to the country. But what sense does it make to blame you for their defeats? After all the only contribution you could make to cricket these days is as a sightscreen!

Anyway, Satellite, you must give that SB a talk or two. He was making such a big fuss because he wasn't the chief guest at the Singer Awards Ceremony. But he was not seen or heard when Sri Lanka was rather unceremoniously over-looked for the Finals in Sharjah. If I were you, I would have called for his resignation right away!

Satellite, even though you have managed to survive for two years, I know it has been a hard time. You have survived the tantrums of Srimani, Thonda, Ashraff, Bernard, Vasu and even your own Mahinda. And you had to contend with Mallo embarrassing you at every moment. So, that is why I say congratulations. You may get zero marks for performance, I agree, but ten for survival!

So, I guess we now have to look forward to another four years of Satellite, whether we like it or not!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS - Poor GL is going around the country saying the Presidential system will be abolished by April next year. That's what they did in Pakistan and see what has now happened to Benazir - I'm sure you will learn from that. Anyway, you ought to have second thoughts about GL's advice. See what happened when you listened to him and appointed Shirani to the Supreme Court!

Go to the Guest column
Return to the Editorial/Opinion contents page