29th June 1996

Proud Parents

Behind every successful personality, there’s a devoted mother or father. Kshalini Nonis meets some celebrity parents to find out their roles in their children’s success.

"I used to be known as Upali Mahanama, but now I am known as Roshan Mahanama’s father." Does this statement sound familiar? Probably to those parents who have children who are well-known, and have achieved fame in their respective fields.

We all know what it’s like to cheer our heroes on, go wild with excitement when they excel on the stage or in the sporting arena, but for most of us this applause is from the sidelines. Well what’s it like when it’s your children out there doing well, watched sometimes by the entire country. Having children who are popular and well-respected in their careers, must naturally give the parents immense joy. So how they cope with the pride and the anxiety ? And what role did they play in nurturing their children’s talent? Read on.......................

"We are extremely proud to be Roshan’s parents and this goes without saying. Roshan showed an interest in cricket from his early days and we gave him every encouragement," said parents of Lankan cricketer Roshan, Upali and Swarna Mahanama.

Swarna added that initially she did have her reservations as she felt that Roshan’s involvement with cricket would affect his studies. "We told Roshan that he must get some basic educational qualification," the Mahanamas added.

"However, before sitting for his Advanced Level examination in the early 1980’s, Roshan had to make a crucial decision. He had got a scholarship to play cricket in England, and accepting this scholarship would mean not sitting for his A/L’s. Roshan came to me and asked for my advice. I told him that it was upto him to decide what was best for him.Of course Roshan chose to accept the scholarship. I also told him that once he makes up his mind to play cricket he must read the relevant books and Roshan agreed to this. We gave him all the support and encouragement by providing him with the best equipment. This meant even making sacrifices on our part, but of course, it was worth it," Upali added.

The Mahanamas went onto say that they never pressurized their two sons Roshan and Devaka. Often parents who have not been able to achieve their ambitions, try to do this through their children. Moreover, pressuring the children hinders the development of their own individual personalities.

"Although I loved cricket, I never forced Roshan into the game. As a kid we sent him for elocution, swimming, music and of course cricket, but it was the latter to which he took like a duck to water," said Upali. "We have gone for virtually all the matches Roshan has played in Sri Lanka, and sometimes even go abroad when Roshan goes with the team on overseas tours."

According to the Mahanamas the day before a match they receive about five or six phone calls from Roshan. "He also comes and worships us the day before a match and gets our blessings. Even if Roshan is overseas he calls us the day prior to a match to get our blessings," they added.

The Mahanamas said that when their son is playing in a match they make it a point of going about one hour before the match commences and stay on till the very end. Swarna said that she did feel nervous initially, but now it is to a lesser extent. "You could even say that I am psychic about my son and particularly when he is on an overseas tour, there are days when I do not even go near the TV and instead may go out and do some shopping, when a match is being played. Upon returning home I merely ask my husband questions such as ‘Who is batting? Is Roshan out? etc.!", she said.

Upali added that he has premonitions which are inexplicable about Roshan’s batting."On days when I am terribly nervous, Roshan tends to get out quickly, but on days that I do not feel worried or nervous about my son’s batting he performs well! I am also superstitious when he is batting at figures such as ‘9, 19, 39," he said.

The Mahanamas said that they always endeavoured to instill human qualities in their children, and teaching them the correct values and principles of life. "We never tried to win their love or respect by giving them material possessions. Respect is something you earn and not something you command," they smiled.

Florine Rahaman,mother of hair-dresser Ramzi Rahaman said that she is very proud and happy about her son’ success in the beauty profession. "From his very young days Ramzi used to watch me doing my hair and always accompanied me and sometimes even his aunts when we went shopping. I knew that he had some sort of ‘creative talent’ and encouraged him. Ramzi was always a quiet boy and I never thought that he would one day become a hair-dresser.However, I do not have any regrets about my son’s profession," she insists.

A mother of seven children, (six of them being boys)Florine said that she believed that her children should pursue careers that interested them. "When it comes to family weddings, it is always Ramzi who does everything from choosing the bridal to dressing the bride, of course free of charge! He always accompanies us when we go shopping, but the final decision is Ramzi’s! Even when it comes to me, Ramzi is very particular that I dress well, and sees to my clothes, shoes -everything! Actually Ramzi is in reality more like a daughter to me, perhaps due to his profession. But my only regret is that he is not married!!"she said.

Parents of popular DJ Viran, Karl and Chintha de Silva said that their son had a ‘knack’ for ‘DJing’ from his school days and he initially started by handling the music at parties of his friends and relatives. "We had no reservations about Viran taking upto ‘Djing’ as it was never on full-time basis." Chintha added that she was bit reluctant at first as it meant breaking rest. "However, this was really a hobby to Viran and we did not want him to give it up," she said.

Did they have any regrets about Viran not following an University career? "Not really.There are so many unemployed graduates today ," Karl replied.

"Although Viran did not get the adequate marks to enter the University, I believe that one has good and bad times. If one is not very successful in one field I feel that one is destined to do something else," said Karl. At present Viran DJ’s occasionally, and is doing a full-time job at a foreign embassy.

"We have not pushed our two children into pursuing specific careers, instead we have given them their independence, and you could say that we take the middle path and give them the guidance and direction that is necessary to follow the career of their choice," the de Silvas said.

Shirazi and Tony Dulapandan, parents of well-known swimmer Gheffari Dulapandan said that they are not proud, but rather happy to have a son who is excelling in swimming . "Why do we say this? Because pride comes before a fall. Gheffari started swimming when he was very young, and ever since he took part in the first Novices Swimming Meet in 1984, he has been winning events. Actually now we do not have enough space in our home for all his trophies," Tony said.

The Dulapandans said that they never forced their two children into anything but gave them the guidance, advice and support to do what they like. "When children are forced into doing something that they dislike, in some cases through fear, they become disgusted of it and ‘burn off fast", Tony said.

"We believe that God will give us what is good for us and whatever comes our way is for the best. If you fail in something, God will provide you with something better," he added.

The Dulapandans said that from the time Gheffari showed an interest in swimming, they gave him every encouragement. "In 1991, Gheffari’s O/L’s was two weeks after the SAF games. At this point we had to teach him the importance of ‘Time Management’ and in between swimming practices, Gheffari would sometimes go through his notes. Actually, he managed to handle both his exam and the SAF Games, and was the first non-Sinhalese boy at St. Thomas College Mount Lavinia, to get a distinction for Sinhala! When he was doing his A/L’s, Gheffari won a scholarship to Australia, and therefore he had to postpone his exam by one year," they said.

When asked how they give their son the support and encouragement he needs now, Shirazi said that she wakes up at 4.30 m in the morning in order to take her son for training. "In the evenings too we pick him up after practice and always ensure that Gheffari gets adequate sustenance. We have made many sacrifices, particularly when our son participates overseas, we have to most often bear the cost. Of course it has been worth it, but why is it that swimming too cannot be sponsored by the relevant authorities, particularly when one is representing one’s country?" she asked.

Mother of well-known personality in local drama Jerome de Silva and former Army Commander Gerry de Silva, Etta de Silva said that she is indeed very proud of her two sons. "When Jerome was born I was a little slow on hearing and you could say that his attempts to converse with me in a sense helped him with his interest in drama today. Jerome never went for elocution, so by miming, pronouncing words well so that I could even ‘lip read’ in certain instances, I was to an extent able to help Jerome with his projection, pronunciation etc,"she said.

"My husband, the late Captain G.H. de Silva passed away when Jerome was merely five years old and and life was not a bed of roses with six young children. Being interested in the Arts myself, I gave Jerome every encouragement I possibly could to follow his interest in drama.But unfortunately, Jerome was unable to participate in drama to the extent he would probably have liked as we could not afford to sew the costumes. Therefore, initially Jerome had to be content with merely singing in the choir. Actually, at one point we thought that Jerome would become a priest or a doctor," she said.

Earlier I used to go for virtually all Jerome’s plays, but now due to my failing eye-sight and loss of hearing I am not able to do this," she said. Having a husband who was in the military meant that the children had a rather strict up-bringing, particularly the girls. Even the boys had to make their own beds, tidy their rooms etc," she added.

Having ‘famous’ children is thus a indeed joy to the parents, but at the same time it also involves giving them the proper guidance, direction and independence to pursue the fields that they opt for..............yet ensuring that they manage to ‘keep their feet on the ground’.

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